Really, when did I become a "Grown Up"?

So, I turned 29 yesterday.  For some reason, I'm excited about turning 30, but 29 - not so much.  Maybe, because I have this thing in my head that when I turn 30 I will have it together - or maybe I should have it together.  At 29...I definitely do not have it all together.

And really I know that "should's" and "should not's" should not be in my vocabulary, but they are - yes, indeed they are.  So - what do I want to get together before I turn the big 3-0?  Hmmm...

I would like to get my...wait, before I get a ton of comments from those of you who have seen 30 come and go, I know I will never have it ALL together...but some things I think I should by the time I'm thirty and all grown up...right?  Ok, so the things I want to get together:

1.  I'm a yeller.  By the time I get to 30, I would like to have my yelling conquered.  I hate yelling.  I don't like myself when I yell.  It is not effective.  Stupid yelling must stop.

2.  The reason why I yell - is my short temper.  Yes folks - I am short tempered.  I must get my impatient, short tempered little attitude out of my world.  No one likes short tempered Melissa - especially me.  I feel quite stupid when I'm throwing a fit like a four year old...ooh, totally know where they get it from.

3.  Balance - as in balance between getting everyone else taken care of and still finding time to brush my hair on a regular basis.  I know I will find it at some point inevitably as the kids grow older - but people come on, I can't wait three more years...my poor husband needs to find me attractive NOW.  So, seriously, I need to find time DAILY to exercise and more than five minutes to put effort into how I look.

4.  I have got to learn how to cook.  Really.  No huge cookbook adventures, but quick healthy meals that won't take me 45 minutes to prepare.  I have fifteen - maybe thirty on a good night to get a dinner on the table.  Yet, I never wanted to learn how to cook when I was younger because apparently I didn't think it was necessary...uh ya, I was incorrect.  Totally necessary.

5.  A social life.  Although I love input daily, with or without permission from my children, I need adult interaction.  Before kids, we used to have people over all the time.  With kids - a social wasteland.  We have so many excuses as to why our lives are not socially friendly - but we have to get over ourselves.  And I need to have girl nights.  I don't drink and I'm fairly cheap, so what does that leave?  Hmmm, girls you got to help me out.

6.  Consistent time with the Lord.  Ya, ya - don't you always have to put that on a goal list just so you feel like you have met your obligatory Sunday school answer for a goal?  But seriously, I need this.  Shocking, I know, but when I have taken the time to be consistent in spending time with God, I am more patient and sweet tempered and not the short tempered yelling monster that typically rears its ugly head.  So, I'm not just being religious, I'm serious.  Real bible time...and I think my kids will find great value in seeing Mommy spending time with the Lord consistently, ok, I know they will.

And that about sums it up on my first full day of being 29.  Who knows if I will succeed at these, but I feel like I need to since it's becoming quite evident that I'm an adult (who regularly needs to moisturize my skin on a regular basis - when did that happen?)

So, now I'm going to go take a shower (#3) and then clean up my house so I can have dishes to cook dinner tonight (#4) right after I go tell my kids to go to sleep for the 4th time without screaming (#1 and #2)  Oh, it's going to be a long year.

Who's up for a girl night? :)

P.S. Just a quick reminder, become a "fan" of The Joyful Jungle on Facebook and share with your friends...the 125 fan and the person who told them about it will get a candle from the Scentsy line.  Pretty cool!

Good Cop vs. Bad Cop

Ok - so maybe I'm the only one this applies to, but here is my rant:

Why must I be the disciplinarian?  Why must I be left to be Mom Nazi when the kids are misbehaving?  Why can't I, at least 30 percent of the time get to be nice cop?  I WANT TO BE NICE COP!!!

But no, Dave is nice cop.  He cuddles with the kids after they get disciplined, gets to do the loving - while I, although aware of how important discipline is, feels like poo for doing it.  When I spank our kids (oh.my.gosh. Did she actually just say spank?  Yes, I did readers, we do in fact spank our children...so taboo I know) my hand stings and yet they still laugh.  However Dave, in the rare instances that he does discipline, taps their little behinds and they cry acting like the whole world ended as they knew it.

NOT FAIR.

Quite honestly, discipline sucks.  I do not like it Sam I Am.  Ideally, my kids would be perfect and they would never ever need any type of discipline whatsoever.  But we aren't in "ideally" we are in "reality."  Shucks.

Super Nanny suggests the "Naughty Step."  Such a cute little idea.  I have tried it.  I have tried it with consistency - and it's laughable.  Naughty Step time is just an invitation for the kid who is sitting there to shamelessly entertain their siblings and not feel a smidgen of remorse regarding their offense.  So I send them to their room for quiet time.  That works, yes that works.  However, I have to stand at the door putting them back in over and over again until the predetermined time is over...which typically lasts for thirty minutes before they just succumb to the two or four minutes of hard time they were originally sentenced with.

But here's the thing with that: I have three other little kids just waiting for the opportunity to do anything they aren't supposed to do when I leave a room.  My kids are great kids - but they are kids and kids will, well, be kids...inevitably.  So, what do I do?  Should I just give them all time outs at the same time in their rooms for offenses past and future?  I don't know.  Super Nanny, I love your show...but you get to leave after two days.  How is the naughty step working for the families six months after you bid them farewell?

Dave and I took a parenting class when the twins were two.  The class talked about first time obedience.  Basically, the gist was if the kids didn't listen the first time they were disciplined.  At the time, my twins although rambunctious, were still babies and I was still in la la land imagining that when they were four they would be perfect human beings who obeyed flawlessly.  Ha. 

So now they are four, and shocking I'm sure, they are not flawlessly obedient.  So, I'm at a loss for consistent effective discipline - and though I don't think spanking is bad, with my kids it doesn't seem to be effective.  I need effective, God focused discipline...oh, and I need Dave to do some of it.

Coach Melissa - ha.ha.ha.

I warned them.  I was very forthright when I told them I had four kids...that I may be a bit distracted.  I even told them that they were all 4 and under and still completely dependent on me.  They didn't seem phased.  Now we are the coaches of the t-ball team.  Nice.

Dave is much better at focusing on the task at hand than I am in regards to coaching.  Luke's the only one on the team (except for last practice when Emma acted like she was going to die if she wasn't on the team, until half way through when she decided she would rather be a ballerina) so while he is messing around playing baseball, the other three kids are wreaking havoc supposed to be playing on the playground.  Not so much.

I dare say - I may be the most ADD t-ball coach...ever.  I'm in the middle of talking to a boy about not spinning around on the base with his glove covering his head when I run off to find Luke finding a nice little corner to go pee in (ya, that's a proud moment.)  Or in the middle of breaking up a fight (consisting of two baseman and one batter) over a ball, I run off because Will looks like he may die of heat exhaustion.  However, I think the mom's are thankful they aren't the ones running around with no clue what they are doing...I'm ok with that role - it's typically how I feel most days anyway.

 The first game is this Tuesday which I'm really excited for.  The entertainment alone will be far more priceless than the 26 dollars we paid to have Luke be involved.  Pictures and videos coming...oh boy.

God's Chisel

Jesus.  His name tends to evoke emotion in people that you try to save for behind closed doors - however, whatever your feeling on the subject, Jesus is a powerful name.

I'm going to assume, whether or not you have a relationship with him as the Bible would define it, that you in fact believe that Jesus existed.  That Jesus, in fact did die on the cross and three days later rose again.  The Bible of course tells us about this, but so do other writings from people who were NOT Jesus followers such as Josephus.  Anyway, moving on...

When I talk to people who "don't believe," I tend to see a couple commonalities among them.  First and foremost that they have been hurt by people who are, or say they are, Christians.  Second, they feel a sense of inadequacy - like they will never live up to what God wants them to be...that they will let Him down.

To address the first quickly - Christians are people and people mess up sometimes.  The difference between a hypocrite and a person who messed up is the heart attitude.  A hypocrite says, "live this way even though I'm not and don't plan to," and a person who messed up is one who says, "I totally messed up.  I'm sorry, will you forgive me?"  If you have been hurt by someone who falls into the hypocrite category, I'm sorry.  Please try to not allow those people to define God for you, for He is not a hypocrite.

Secondly - Jesus did not come for the healthy, beautiful people.  He came for the gross, hated, messed up people.  He came for the tax collectors (we still don't like 'em) and the prostitutes and the rough and stinky fisherman.  He came to heal the sick, not to tend to the pious wants of the self-perceived perfect people - as it talks about in Mark 2:
^15-16Later Jesus and his disciples were at home having supper with a collection of disreputable guests. Unlikely as it seems, more than a few of them had become followers. The religion scholars and Pharisees saw him keeping this kind of company and lit into his disciples: "What kind of example is this, acting cozy with the riffraff?"  ¹⁷Jesus, overhearing, shot back, "Who needs a doctor: the healthy or the sick? I'm here inviting the sin-sick, not the spiritually-fit."


A long time ago, before I had children, I heard an illustration about God.  When I haven't been around my kids for awhile and I go to pick them up if they are dirty, what do I do?  When the run to me to give me a hug, do I hold them at arms length and make them take a bath first?  No!  I embrace them, because I've missed them more than they have missed me - who cares about the dirt!  I will wash it off later.  I embrace them, tell them how I love them, and then I give them a bath.  If I held them at arms length and only embraced them after they were spotless, I wouldn't be a very loving parent.  God is a loving Dad.  He doesn't wait for us to be clean and perfect before He takes us in.  He takes us covered with grossness and faults and embraces us for all that we are...and then he begins to chisel away, but only after He has taken us in.

You are not too dirty or imperfect for Jesus!  You are His masterpiece - His work of art.  He knew you before you were born, as it says in Psalm 139:13:

 ^13-16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
      you formed me in my mother's womb.
   I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
      Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
      I worship in adoration—what a creation!
   You know me inside and out,
      you know every bone in my body;
   You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
      how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
   Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
      all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
   The days of my life all prepared
      before I'd even lived one day.

Jesus loves you - dirt and all.  Here's a clip that speaks to what I am trying to say...if you have a few minutes, take the time to watch...it's great.

Darn you Dave Ramsey!

Dave Ramsey.  I love you Dave Ramsey - and yet, in the same breath, I can say less than favorable things about you under my breath of course.  Ok, they aren't about you.  Just your no debt ways.

We had a van, a swagger wagon, THE swagger wagon.  The electronic door on the swagger wagon broke.  To repair it would cost one thousand dollars.  As a one income family with five million children, we do not have a thousand dollars lying around to throw away on a door for a van.  Ok, we did have a thousand dollars lying around - but we didn't want to spend it on a door...we just decided to have another kid and spend it on that instead (always a good choice.)  So we put it off.  Procrastination.  The door became a makeshift manual door...remember those?  The ones where you actually have to pull the handle and pull the door open?  Amazingly, it worked...until -

Dave was driving the kids around on their regular Sunday morning errands while I got ready for church in peace (good husband that there Dave is) and the door decided to open...with four kids in it, with the motor running.  The door, that had the power turned off to it since it originally broke, decided to open just because.  Well, our one thousand dollar expense was now a 4000 expense (estimated, they said they couldn't know the "real" damage until they started taking it apart.)  That my dear friends, we do not have lying around.  So, big pretty van with big ugly payment that wasn't worth nearly the amount owed on it...Nasty nasty picture.  So - after long talks with the swagger van maker, the swagger van was taken care of.  And we had to buy a van - to drive my five million children around.

In walks Ghetto Van who we lovingly named Harold Charles Muntz (I don't know, ask Luke).  As much as I adore my husband, sometimes he gets so rushed in trying to provide for us that he doesn't always think through the situation.  Case in point:  He drives an hour to pick it up.  Doesn't drive it.  Gives them cash - they give us some squash so they must be honest, and he drives it home.  Harold Charles Muntz and I were not friends at the beginning.  I didn't think HCM would last for more than a week when we got him, but surprisingly he did.  However, I grew fond of HCM considering he is paid for and Dave Ramsey would be proud of us.  My excessive driving that I once did with the swagger wagon was reduced to 3000 miles in eight months - and I only had to fill up the tank once a month give or take.  This change in driving habits was partly due to the convenient location of our home, bust mostly due to my lack of confidence in HCM lasting another ten miles.


Sad day though.  Harold Charles Muntz is now officially on his death bed.  The check engine light that has been on since we purchased him is actually now forcing us to deal with it.  The brakes have decided to be louder than my four children screaming in the van and my short little three miles that I drive around town have become incredibly stressful.  HCM, I'm afraid, is done for.

So, now we have to get a new vehicle.  I have decided that I don't like vans and prefer doors that don't break and cost more than repairing an engine.  However, beggars can't be choosers.  Dave Ramsey has made us repel the thought of a car payment, yet it seems that everyone who is selling a car right now feels their car is made of gold.  What to do, what to do?  I would like a vehicle to drive into our driveway and be ours for free - but since that most likely won't happen we have to figure it out.  Hence my frustration towards Dave Ramsey.  It would be so much easier to just make a huge car payment like everyone else...aargh.  So, I've compiled a list...maybe it won't be so bad to not have a van.

10 reasons why I don't need a vehicle:
1. I would get my dishes done
2.  Mount St. Laundry would finally be climbed again and conquered...perhaps on a regular basis.
3. My house may stay clean, because I would have no other options but to clean.
4. My kids would get to do arts and crafts more because they would need some outlet.
5. I may finish decorating since I would have to stare at my walls more.
Ok, I can't get to ten.
6. Luke wouldn't drive.
7. The girls wouldn't be driven by Luke.
Ok, seven.  That's all I can do.

10 reasons I need a vehicle:
1. For my sanity.
Um, must I go on?  Isn't that really enough?  I am compelled to say it is.  Yes, my sanity is reason enough to spend thousands and thousands on a vehicle.  But we won't.  We are more conservative than that..and you never know when we are going to decide to have another kid. :)

Say what needs to be said

A week ago tomorrow a friend from high school decided to go on a sightseeing trip to Glacier.  Him and his three friends never made it and they passed away in a plane crash.  On Thursday there was a prayer vigil for him where friends and family shared memories and told stories about his character for all to treasure. 

As I was driving home to my family that night I began to think if that was me - if I was the one who was gone suddenly.  Would there be anything left unsaid that needed to be said?  Would my kids know that I loved them?  Would my husband know that I adore him?  Would my friends and family know that I treasured them?  Would people know what was important to me and what my heart beat passionately for?  It became all too clear on Sunday that we never know when our time here is up - and that I better use the time I do have effectively.

I started thinking about how I use my time and what I spend my time doing.  I began thinking if the things I did were purposeful.  And then I thought about this.  This here blog.  My outlet to share all my insanity and joy from being a mom to four amazing little kids who I love and being a wife to their daddy who I adore.  I mean, where else can I talk freely without interruption about the maple syrup and olive oil breakfast that my son made for me while I was sleeping - or the football field my daughter decided was a forest as she pulled her pants down and peed?  However, the reason I can find joy (most of the time) in all of this is what really matters...and so I'm going to pay a little more attention to it.

As you know, if you have spent any time reading the blog, I am a Christian.  My relationship with Jesus is at the core of who I am.  With that said - I know some of you...a lot of you...who read this do not have that type of relationship.  Either you can't swallow all the things that Christians claim Jesus did, you have been hurt badly by people who are very religious, or you simply just don't see the need for it.  And I understand, I really do. 

Let me be the first to say - religion and relationship are totally different.  Religion is rules and regulations where freedom is not found.  Relationship is love and complete freedom within that relationship.  I don't like religion.  Religion turns me off, and I think it has turned off a ton of people from what really matters...Jesus.

So, I have decided that every Tuesday (seems like a nice, random day) we will be doing a little bible study action.  And it's not going to be a deep, bible study where you have to dress up pretty just to read it - but it's going to be real, raw, inquisitive...I want it to be something that you who are Christians will join us and be challenged in your relationship, but more importantly, I want it to be a day where you who don't call yourselves Christians will feel free to ask the questions you have always wanted to ask but are afraid of the judgment you would receive.

So post your questions on here, message me, or post on the Facebook page for The Joyful Jungle.  This Tuesday will be the first one - any questions or things any of you are wondering about - any questions you want answered regarding REAL Christianity?  I am not a bible scholar, but I am a believer, and for the questions I don't know the answers to - I know where to go to find them.  So join me, I think it can and will be pretty cool.

And maybe, quite possibly, no one will read my blog anymore on Tuesdays.  But that's ok - because if I was to die suddenly, I would have said what I needed to say.

Is there anything you need to say that's been unsaid?

Say, "Cheese!"

I attempted our first family photo when the twins were six months.  Dave and I loaded the kids up in their jammies because we knew that they would destroy their outfits during the long drive to the portrait studio.  After a 45 minute drive we arrived at the department store portrait studio a few minutes early.  I grabbed the diaper bag to get their clothes and as I was unzipping the bag I remembered that I had left their clothes on the couch at home.  So, much to Dave's dismay, I walked into the store and spent fifty dollars on two outfits.  I changed the twins and then went to check us in with the lady at the front.

"I'm so sorry, we are running behind today.  It will be about another fifteen minutes." Great.  My six month old babies have a small window in which they will be pleasant and not screaming.  Fifteen minutes is cutting it close lady, cutting it real close.  But I just smiled and pleasantly said, "ok."

Fifteen minutes passes and then twenty, so I walked back to the lady and she breaks the news.  "I'm sorry, the kids that we are shooting right now are just really cranky, it's taking much longer than expected.  It will probably be another thirty minutes." 30 MINUTES?!?!?!  There was no way I would be able to keep my babies content for that long just sitting there - besides, they were getting hungry and I knew if I fed them they would spit it up all over their cute, newly bought clothes.  "We can't wait thirty minutes.  I will reschedule for another time.  Thanks anyways."

By this point the kids are screaming because they have always loved to enforce the fact to everyone around that I NEVER feed them.  So, Dave takes them to the car while I try to return the outfits.  They wouldn't take them back - I was returning them to the lady I had bought them from just a few minutes earlier and she wouldn't take them back.  I then informed her of the situation, got a little fire in my eyes, and she then changed her mind.  Smart lady.  I run outside to find Dave standing by the car about to go crazy because the twins were both screaming.  "Where are their bottles?  Why didn't you give them their bottles?"

"Melissa, it would probably have been helpful to PACK the formula.  No formula, no bottles."  So, we endured the 45 minute drive back with two screaming children who were starving and we had no pictures to show for it.

Today was the first time since then, almost 4 years later, that I have attempted to do family pictures.  This time it was with a friend taking them outside (much better than a stuffy studio).  As we were driving there Dave and I got into a nice little argument.  Nothing like a good fight right before you have to gaze lovingly into each others eyes.  However, we got over ourselves and I am hopeful that a few good ones were taken.  Four kids and two grownups walking in six different directions doesn't make for any easy shoot I'm sure.  I am excited though to post some pics when we get them.  But I would venture to say, we probably won't be doing this again for another four years!