Mommy Guilt...

I took the twins to their first eye appointment today.  They both had a rough time with the four year old screening at their yearly checkup and so today would be the verdict on what their eyes were really doing.

Emma's eyes were great.  Thank you Lord.

Luke on the other hand, his close vision (as you can tell, I know lots about eyes and the medical terms) was fine, but according to the doctor his vision for distance was pretty bad.  And she said it will only get worse, with every growth spurt that happens.  Fabulous.

We finished up with the exam and went to try on glasses.  When we had first arrived he was looking at all the glasses excited about getting some (if in case that happened) but when it was time for him to pick out a real pair he was not thrilled.  He tried on every pair and kept scrunching up his little nose and I could see the disappointment he was fighting written all over his precious face.  I encouraged him that these glasses would give him super hero vision and girls were going to think he was so handsome.

He kept responding with, "Those look weird.  Those look dumb."  WHAT?!?!?!?

"NO THEY DO NOT LUKE DAVID!  You look so handsome in those glasses - everyone is going to want a pair of glasses like those because you look so cool with them."  I was doing my best mommy job in encouraging him through it.  Finally, he accepted it, picked out a pair and we began to leave.

And I was almost in tears.

I feel so guilty.  My poor baby has not been able to see for four years.  This is my fault.  I could have prevented this.

Ok, Melissa get a grip on yourself - right now.  SOOO ridiculous!

What is up with this stupid mommy guilt?  I am not the giver and taker of health.  I didn't make his eyes, I didn't cause his vision to be poor for distance.  Yet I take the burden COMPLETELY on my shoulders.

Do you find yourself doing that with your own children?  Isn't mommy guilt horrible?  See the thing about mommy guilt is that it is based in la la land and nowhere in reality.  Although most of us would readily admit that we are nowhere close to being super moms, for some reason we expect ourselves to be and beat ourselves up over it if we aren't.  We think that everything, from health to height from brilliance to athleticism is something that we have complete and total control over.  I can't even control my own health - but for some reason I think I should be able to do that for my children.

When Will was born he aspirated amniotic fluid as they were delivering him.  He spent two weeks in the NICU (The longest two weeks of my ENTIRE life) and for the two weeks he was in there and for the last 11 months I have struggled with guilt over the whole thing.  He's the stinker that took the breath too soon.  He just couldn't wait to be born - it was totally not my fault.  I was just laying there (I had a c-section, obviously) but I have blamed myself over it...pretty much every time it comes to mind.

I have found myself holding me accountable for things that are totally and completely beyond my control.  I am a bit of a control freak; I like to have things planned and am not a big fan of surprises.  And I am learning, a lot lately that my kids really belong to the Lord and the only thing that I should hold myself accountable for (other than meeting basic needs) is what Proverbs 22:6 says, "Point your kids in the right direction - when they're old they won't be lost."

So, I am responsible for the training that Luke and Emma receive, not their health!  I am responsible for guiding them gently down the path of righteousness, and not their eye sight!  I am responsible for imparting good manners and virtues that matter - not how athletic or tall they are.

I really need to try to keep that in perspective.  I need to keep reminding myself of the truth that God is the one who has ultimate control over their little lives that are so precious to me...but with that said and the knowledge of that at the forefront of my mind - I know I will continue feeling unrealistically guilty about it for at least a couple more days.  Darn that mommy guilt!

Princess Pediatrician

I read an article recently in a parenting magazine regarding little girls.  The article said that if a dad calls his daughter princess and tells her all the time that she is beautiful you are "inviting her to think of herself as helpless."  When I read that, I chuckled, and read it out loud to Dave.  "Uh huh, helpless," as he grinned.

Emma, is anything but helpless.  Lily, is anything but fragile.  But if you ask them if they are beautiful they will tell you proudly, "YES!"  If you ask them if they are a princess, without hesitation they will respond, "YES!" 

Fragile and helpless, ha!  Spoiled a bit - maybe.  Aware of the immense value they hold as part of our family and to society - definitely.  Conscious of what it means to be a princess in actions and in words - absolutely.  But fragile and helpless - one hundred percent no.

Emma, the most princess-iest of them all wants to be a pediatrician when she grows up.  Pretty fragile and helpless.  She is saving her money right now - for a tutu?  No, for a car.  She's four, she's brilliant, she's beautiful and she's nice.  She knows that she deserves to be treated a certain way, because she is a princess, and she knows that she needs to treat others a certain way, because she is a princess.  Her daddy tells her everyday how beautiful she is and that she is Princess Emma.  And I think, in my personal non clinical opinion, that those conversations between her daddy and her have contributed to her self-esteem and her confidence.

Lily, she's two.  Right now she better be a singer because she has had so much practice with those little lungs of hers, that they better be put to great use!  But Lily, even though she is only two - you don't mess with her.  She knows that she is important, that she is valuable, that she is special and don't suggest otherwise.  Helpless and fragile are not words that I would use to describe her...at all.

But let's move on.  I know that in our society now there is a big push for not forcing our kids into preset gender roles.  Why do girls have to be nurses, they can be scientists?  Why do girls have to stay at home and be mommy's - they can go to work and the dad's can stay at home!  Why must girls play with dollies and boys play with trucks?  Whatever.  Emma, if I bought her a truck would look at me confused and ask me where her princess was.  If I bought a doll for Luke he would say, "Here, let me take you to your mommy," as he walked the baby over to Emma.  Emma wants to dress up as a princess and Luke wants to dress up as a super hero.  Emma wants to mull over and discuss why my mom's new bed hurt her, Luke went right in and tried to fix the problem.  BOYS AND GIRLS ARE DIFFERENT!  And if I teach my son that girls are just like boys, he will treat them JUST. LIKE. BOYS.  Here's a question - you want your daughter to marry a man who treats her like a man, or one who treats your daughter like royalty?

I teach my kids that we need to be kind to all people.  Boys and girls, black and white, all people.  But I am teaching my son that he needs to be a gentleman.  He needs to open doors for people, offer to help people, treat girls with respect and like precious princesses that they are.  He knows that he can be the hero - but only if he behaves like a prince.  If he behaves like an ogre (except for Shrek) then he will be treated like one.

When Luke grows up he says he wants to be a daddy and work hard.  He's not sure what he wants to work hard doing right now; generally his answer is Spiderman, but nonetheless, he wants to work hard.  I know that he sees Dave working hard and providing for our family...but is that so bad?  Is it so bad that Emma sees me staying at home and taking care of her while Dave goes and slays dragons for our family so that we will be provided for?  I don't think so. 

I want our daughters to know that they are valuable, precious and loved so that when the first boy comes along and tells her all those things she isn't swept off her feet and ready to do whatever he wants.  I want her to think, "Glad you are aware of that!"  I want my son to know how to be a gentleman and a hard worker so that when the time comes to provide for his family he is ready to step up to the plate and do so.  I don't think I am hurting them by encouraging my children in the way God wired them - I think that I am giving them confidence to go and do what God wants of them.

So, we will continue telling our girls that they are princesses - however...Dave did stop telling them that princesses should not have to climb the stairs.  They were getting too heavy.

I need a getaway.

I need a getaway. 

I'm thinking of a cabin on a mountain somewhere sans children (definitely) and hubby (possibly) with no technology and maybe a book.  No, scratch the book.  Just a chair, a bed, and food already cooked waiting for me in the fridge. I could sit in silence and just watch the wind blow the trees.  Seriously, I'm not a hermit or someone who hates social interaction - but my life is so loud.  Quiet sounds good.  But, here's the problem:  I'm not an introvert.  I would go nuts.

Ok, I need a getaway to a romantic city.  That's cheap to get to.  That's close enough that if I had to get back right away it wouldn't take me three days.  And I need friends to go with me, who are in desperation of a getaway too.  Hmmm, scratch that.  Girls night would be fun, but a getaway?  If I got to get away, I would need to get away with my hubby.  Definitely hubby - pretty sure he needs one just as much as I do.

Hmmm....scratch the romantic city.  The ocean.  Now, that's relaxing.  A little cute ocean side town - and then we can walk everywhere instead of fighting over how either of us are driving (that's always fun.)

Ok, so no children, with hubby, at the ocean.

And I would need a massage - no, not the shoulder squeeze massages that last 10 seconds that Dave gives, but a real masseuse one.  Ooh, a couple's massage - that would be cool...wait, are those cool or a little weird?  I wouldn't know.  They sound cool though.

No children, with hubby, at ocean, couple's massage.

Yep.  There we have it.  That's what I need.  And I'm sure that there is someone who will read this and say, "No no no, that is a want not a need."  No, it is in fact a need - let me assure you. 

Anyone want to babysit four heart warming children? :)

I think I'm plenty mature, thank you very much!

Sometimes it stinks to be strong - to be required to just.keep.going.
Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to crawl into a hole and just hide until the storm has passed, or throw a huge fit so the whole world knows how unfair life has been. 
Sometimes the whys outnumber the answers and the uncertainty of life is overwhelming.

I felt like that a couple of years ago, in a way I've never felt before.
Dave had just been promoted to running his own store so we were going to be moving out of state.  I had just had Lily 2 months earlier and the thought of moving was overwhelming - I wasn't thrilled to say the least.  My friend and I, in hopes to encourage me, decided to study James 1 from the Bible.  The beginning goes like this...

" Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." (The Message)

As we talked through the verses, we were encouraged and felt good that we were doing a sweet little Bible study.

Then I packed up the kids and our stuff to meet Dave at our new home.  On a Friday.  I knew no one, I had no idea where our new home was - I was grumpy.  From Friday morning to Tuesday night, Dave and I were at odds.  I was angry about being there, he was angry with my bad attitude.  I thought to myself, "Glad I am studying James...this sure is a challenge."  Then Wednesday morning Dave woke up and his entire body was numb.  He couldn't tie his shoes, he couldn't button his shirt.  As I got my hard working husband ready for work, buttoning his shirt for him - I was scared out of my mind (as was he, but he wouldn't admit it.)  Finally, whatever his body was doing demanded us to go to the ER.

They wouldn't let me bring my kids into the ER and I didn't know anyone to watch them for me.  I had to be with my husband, but I had to take care of my kids.  I had no choice.  I took my kids to a drop in day care - where later when I picked them up Luke was eating out of the trash due to no supervision.  Awesome.  Anyway, as my heart was breaking and angry that I had to do that, I rushed to the hospital where my husband was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.

I am a stay at home mom.  My husband provides for our family by working, and I provide for our family by taking care of our kids.  Now what?  See, my mom also has MS and she is in a wheelchair and all I could see in my mind was Dave sitting in a wheelchair.  He was only 27 - he didn't deserve this.  I was only 26 - and I felt like God was playing a cruel joke on me...first my mom, then my husband?  The next day I called a church that we had visited on Sunday begging for help and I was met with, "Sorry, we don't have a program in place for that."  Needless to say, we never went back there.

Our friend and former pastor hopped in his car and drove 3.5 hours to be with our kids so I could tend to my shocked husband.  Shortly thereafter, another friend hopped on a train at midnight to take care of my kids for a week.  God was taking care of my family and me - but I couldn't see it.  I was so scared and angry.  Dave feared that he had failed our family as he struggled to hold a fork to eat and could barely write his name.  I reassured him that he had not and told him he would have complete recovery and to have faith - yet I was in doubt.  I wanted to climb into a hole, hide, scream, run.  But I couldn't, because I had 3 sets of little eyes watching everything I did.  I had to keep on keeping on...even though I felt like I couldn't take another step.

My mind kept going back to the passage in James - "Consider it a sheer gift,"  really God?!  A sheer gift would be perfect health.  A sheer gift would be stability and security with our future.  Not MS.  NOT MS!!!  "Mature and well-developed," are you kidding me?  I thought I had already been through enough to be considered mature and well-developed.  I decided, in my anger, that if God was going to test me on the part of the Bible that I was studying, I was no longer going to read it. 

Let's take a quick pause in my story.  Right now there are some of you reading this that are really hurting.  Some of you are going through loss, betrayal, illness, unemployment, and much more.  Some of you are being so strong right now because you have too - despite what you want to do and how you really feel.  Some of you are angry and confused, not knowing when life is going to go your way.  Some of you know God and the hope that He offers, some of you are questioning His promises, and others don't believe in God at all.

But what I can tell you as truth, from the depths of my heart is that there is a God.  A God who loves you.  A God who keeps His promises.  A God who declared in Jeremiah 29:11 -
"I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."  His plans are not always our plans, but with that said, we don't see the whole picture like God does.  He knows what's best for us - in the long run.  And though it may feel like it, He has not abandoned you.  He is still there, even in the darkest hour of your life - even if you can't see Him.

Dave did fully recover.  He has to take medication each week that he loathes.  He can't hang out in heat for a long time, and getting the flu could be detrimental to him.  But life is back to normal - a new normal, I suppose.  And after close to two years (obviously I wasn't as "mature" as I thought) I realized that God isn't playing a sick game on me - and I decided to crack open the Bible again.  My heart aches for you who are hurting.  My prayers are filled with requests for your well-being.  But today, as I say goodbye I want to leave you with this:  God hurts with you.  He loves you.  Even if you don't know Him yet, He is there ready to take you in His arms.

I would, but...

I would write a post, but I'm tired.

The baby kept me up for three straight hours last night screaming.  And then when he finally went to sleep, Luke started having growing pains.  Luke and I slept in our overly hot house on the living room floor which is reminiscent of a hard concrete slab.

I would write a post, but I'm going on a date tonight and we have a new babysitter coming.  She has never been to my house so I must clean it so she doesn't think we live in a total state of disarray at all times - we'll save the truth for the next time she comes.


I would write a post but my children who I love with all my heart and are completely over tired are refusing to take naps right now.  God bless their little souls (if you are from the South, you know what I really mean.)


I would write a post but Dave, who rarely does the discipline, just disciplined the kids - and now they are acting like their hearts are broken.


I would write a post but oh! I just remembered we are having a play date at 1...oh boy, gotta go!

Fabulous Four?

The person who told me that four is when it gets easy - were you just trying to encourage me by giving me some false hope?!  Seriously!

Yesterday the day starts out with my precious Spiderman boy who is 4 asking if he could watch another Spiderman cartoon on Youtube.  He's been obsessed with Thomas the Train since he was a year and a half and I loved that obsession.  Thomas taught about things like working hard, sharing, competition that has a winner and a loser (yes people, someone would actually lose), friendship and characteristics I wanted Luke to learn.  Spiderman teaches - well, I don't know what Spiderman teaches (I'll get back to you on that one.)  I loved buying Thomas DVD's for Luke but Spiderman DVD's - really?  I'm just not there yet. 

So, I tell the boy no.  I try to explain to him that he can watch some later, but right now I needed the computer.  He tells me, "I'm so angry!"
And in my "I really could care less about this argument" voice I say, "Well, you're going to have to get over it."  And then the response comes...
"You get over it.  It's your problem!"  Aahh, 4 - yes, this is definitely a breeze.

Oh but it gets better.

Then we go to my aunt's house last night to play in her yard and "help" her garden.  Luke and Emma both pulled growing plants out of a planter right after my aunt said, "No!"  Another proud mommy moment.  So I bring both of them over to the patio and start telling them it's disrespectful, blah blah blah, (I get tired of hearing myself speak) and Luke says in his sweetest voice, "Yes Mommy."  Oh but not Princess Emma.  Emma rolled her eyes and sighed like she was fifteen and I was telling her she couldn't go to a party.  Are you kidding me?!?!?!  So I make her sit by the fence on "time out" which really is quite the joke in my family and I don't know why I'm so persistent about it.  She says, "I have to go potty!"  I tell her to hold it (mind you, she just went 3 minutes earlier)  Next thing, I look over and see her pulling her pants down and peeing right there on the lawn.  That, my dear Emma, looks nothing like a forest.  Then Lily follows suit and pulls her shorts and diaper right off.  Deep breath, 4 - sooo much easier than when they couldn't talk or walk and they were just cute.  Uh huh.

And then the day turns into night when they, the lovely four year olds, should be sleeping.  When I should be sleeping.  9 times.  NINE times they woke up last night:  "I need a drink of water."  "I had a bad dream." "I'm (never been scared before in my entire life but tonight I will start) afraid of the dark."  "Can I watch Spiderman?"  "I heard a sound."  "My tummy's rumbling." "I think I need socks."  "Can we do something fun tomorrow?" "I have to go potty."  NINE TIMES.  My baby, my little baby who it is still acceptable for him to wake up in the night, only once...when Luke woke him up.  Yes 4, way easier!  By the way, that doesn't include when my husband woke me up at 1 to tell me he was coughing and having a hard time sleeping...REALLY?!??!?!  (That will be for a later day.)

I'm not sure when the actual age that parenting will get easier, or if it really does.  Maybe it just gets different.  I thought at times when the twins were babies that I was never going to make it.  I did, and now there are times I think the same.  I know I will make it in the end, probably pretty tired, but I will make it.  But let me be honest with you:  Four is NOT the magic age!  I heard recently that it was the "terrible twos" the "trying threes" and the "freaking fours."  Ooh...maybe five is the magic number...maybe.

Give away - free stuff - no coupon clipping required!!!

As most of you know - or maybe you don't - I started a fan page of sorts on Facebook.  I have found that it is easier for people to "follow" The Joyful Jungle through Facebook instead of on Blogger simply because of functionality purposes.  Anyway...
I am doing a give away!!  I'm sooo excited about it for a couple of reasons (I will do my list thing again, to seem official and important - ha!)
1.  It will get the word out about The Joyful Jungle and hopefully through that more moms will be encouraged on their mommy journeys.
2.  We are giving away something - free!!!  And I don't know about you, but I love free stuff (hence my recent shopping trip where I bought 36 bottles of laundry detergent for 7.00 - we'll save that story for a later post!)
3.  It will make someone's, well 2 someone's jungles, smell awesome!  We are giving away a Scentsy plug in system which includes 3 Scentsy bars - a value of $25.00 (Ooh, I feel like I'm on The Price is Right)!
4.  One of the moms who is a "fan" of the Joyful Jungle has supplied us with this awesome give away and I would love for you to check our her Scentsy website at https://amypeterson.scentsy.us/Home to see all the other cool products that they offer.  We should help other mom's out!!!

Ok, so here's how it will work.  If you aren't already a fan of the page on Facebook, go to your Facebook search and type in The Joyful Jungle.  Click the "like" button and you will start getting updates and posts via Facebook (which I have found is soooo much easier than Blogger.)  Then, refer your friends!!!  On the left hand of the page there is an icon to "share."  That's the easiest way to let your friends know about it.  Our 125 fan and the person who referred them will BOTH win the Scentsy Plug in system.  How cool is that?

My heart is for this blog to encourage other mom's and bring humor and focus (sometimes) to the task before us as moms.  I would love it and appreciate it sincerely, if you would help me get that done by sharing it with your friends!

Thanks, I can't wait to give away free stuff!!!