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Monday, November 8, 2010

In defense of MY mom...my own rebuttal to my previous post

So, I don't take back ANYTHING I said in my previous post.

I think it's important to stay at home and take care of your children.  I think it's hard work, and should NEVER be considered as a lesser choice than continuing to work while you raise children.

With that said, please let me make something abundantly clear:

I think there is a grand difference between those who continue to work after they have children so they can pay their rent and put gas in their cars and those who work so they can continue having lots and lots of money and the best things.

Big difference...in my opinion.

The lady I spoke of in my previous post was of the latter mindset and it irks me when she makes comments how due to new positions, she has an extra hour at home now in the evenings and her children are "lucky" for that extra hour they have...wow, 3.75 hours instead of 2.75 hours...yes, they should be grateful.

Ok, enough about her.

However, I fear I stepped on toes of those who are like my mom was.

My mom had to work, and I had to be in daycare.  I NEVER once thought my mom loved me less because I had to go to La Petite every day.  Nope...not once.  It was my mom and me against the world, and my mom was doing what she had to do so that I could eat, have a roof over my head and not once know or even question our economic standing well into high school.

I remember my mom when I was four, not my day care.  I have some memories of day care, but they are foggy to say the least.

She did what she had to do, and I don't fault her for that.

So, yes - I know there are moms out there who ache to be at home with their kids all day and yet have to work so they can support their families.  I know there are moms out there who would love to stay at home but because of extenuating circumstances, they just can't.

I totally get it.

But those who can't bare to think of staying at home with their children because it would steal away their identity, or because they would lose purpose, or because quite frankly they must afford the payment for their 75,000 vehicle...I don't understand.  I don't get it.  I can't even pretend to agree with that decision.

See the huge difference between my mom and the ladies I just described, is that I was of utmost importance to her.  Even though she worked from 8-5, when she got home, there was no confusion as to why she was working: me.  That's why, quite possibly, I remember my mom and not my day care.  But when women have children and then simply because of their desire for stuff throw them into all day child care - are they much more than trophy children? 

I have some friends, who will probably be angry with me after this post especially, but really - is the nice stuff more important than your children being with you? 


I know we all love our children, I just wonder where they fall in priority.

And I also know, that there are some of you, because of your love for your children are working incredibly hard to provide for them because that's what you have to do - and I admire your strength, and your endurance and your mommy heart...

5 comments:

Angela Gifford

Just so you know. I don't feel stepped on. :) Just have an occasional need to vent the other side. :) I'm so proud of every mom who can stay home and chooses to do so. It isn't an easy choice for everyone. That I know.

MAMA BRANDI

Everyone's situation is different, and there's nothing wrong with you sharing what works best for you and your family. I would love to be able to stay at home with my daughter. Like you said in your post, I work because I have to in order to provide for her, but if I could, if I were married or had another option, I most certainly would stay with her.

Being at home with your child full time is hard work..at least if you're doing it correctly. It is just as much as a full-time job as working outside of the home. That being said, my situation is what it is, and I feel so blessed to have a career and a job that allows me the flexibility to spend a lot of quality time with my daughter while providing for her.

addie

Thank you so much for being so transparient. So many of us would not state our true opinions about topics such as these out of fear of rejection or stepping on toes. But you get to the heart and show us yours. It may make people uncomfortable, but it challenges people to think. Thank you!

Carols blogs

I know when I quit my job over 5 years ago to stay home with my kids, people kept asking me "why". After a year at home with two small children(16 months apart) I did wonder WHY too, but I am so glad I did and could. It is the best job I will ever have,it is also more work than I ever did at an out of home job. Now that they are both in school I am looking for a job I can be there for them before & after school as well as the summer. It has not been easy with out the second income but we have made it work. The next time you are around this said person just ask her who loves her more her fancy car & house or her children. I understand that some ladies have to work and they are not less or more than those who can stay home. It should make all of us who could stay home with our children feel grateful we can.

3boymomma

LOVE the discussion!!

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