Super Mom!!! Are you kidding me?

So in my quest to lose the baby weight, I got this fabulous idea of loading all four of my children in my double stroller and going on power walks.  We are quite the sight to be seen!  I put Will in the very front (since he has discovered hair pulling), Emma gets thrown behind him in the first seat (because let's admit it, she is his other mom...or so she thinks), Lily goes in the next seat and Luke straddles her bringing up the rear.  My kids are not small by any definition and so when it all is added up, I'm pushing about 145 pounds of kid and a 20 pound stroller - which makes uphill a blast!  I huff and puff pushing all of them while they encourage me by screaming, "FASTER!  FASTER!  FASTER!"  We of course get stopped about every few houses by an onlooker, which probably could be annoying but I welcome it as a much needed break for my sore arms.  And with almost a 100 percent accuracy I can predict how our conversation will go:
Onlooker:  "Wow, you have quite the load there."
Me (with a polite smile): "Yes I do."
Onlooker:  "How old are all of your kids?"
Me:  "Twin 4 year old's,2 and almost 1"
Onlooker:  "You must be very busy!  I bet you are super mom!"
Me:  "Ya, I stay pretty busy.  Have a wonderful day."
Luke:  "Mommy you aren't a super hero, you are the mommy."
Me:  "Thanks for the reality check honey."
Then we proceed until we get stopped again.
When I envisioned having kids, they were always clean and well behaved.  They wanted to cuddle a lot, read books, and they never forgot their manners or ate with their mouths open.  I was always beautiful (of course) in my dream and put together - and people were always in amazement how wonderfully behaved and perfect my children were.
Darn reality!
We lived in Kalispell when the twins turned two and Lily was 6 months old.  Our church served dinner every Wednesday night and you could find us there rain or shine (it was cheap and I didn't have to cook!)  You would get your food cafeteria style and then take it back to your table.  Dave worked evenings and so I was single parenting it most of the time which always lends itself to wonderful adventures.  One Wednesday night I placed the kids at the table and told them to stay seated until I got back with their food.  I proceeded through the line and was headed back to the table with 3 plates in hand to a table that had my girls sitting there but no Luke.  I told Emma to not move as I began to frantically look for Luke all over the church.  Soon, about twenty youth and pastors were enlisted to find Luke.  My heart was racing, but I knew he was somewhere in the church - just where?  As I was about to run down yet another hall, the youth pastor found him playing in one of the rooms with the thermostat.  Nice.  I grabbed his hand tightly and we walked back to the table where I found baby Lily crying in the high chair because she was all alone.  Yes, alone.  Emma was gone.  So, I asked some random person to sit with my kids and give Luke the death stare if he dared move from his chair.  As I started running out of the gym to find Emma, she walked into the gym proudly.  Holding her diaper.  With no pants.  She had gone potty apparently in the restroom and wanted to share the news with EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON.  Horrified I grabbed her, ran to the bathroom, redressed her and went back to our table.  And then we finally got to eat our dinner.  Yes, that's me - Super Mom.
This morning as I was getting caught up with some emails and banking stuff I realized that it had been quiet for too long.  Lily was missing.  I found her in my bathroom with the door locked.  When I unlocked the door I found her "painting" her fingers and toes, among other things, with a black sharpie.  Beautiful.  Super Mom, right here.
I have become quite comfortable with my reality, ever since my kids could walk, that I am definitely NOT Super Mom.  But I still struggle with disappointing myself when I feel like I have not attained that title - which happens, well, daily.
Busy does not equal Super Mom.  Lots of kids does not equal Super Mom.  Quite honestly, I don't know what would equate to Super Mom.  But what I do know is that loving your kids equals Great Mom.  Taking time to teach them about life's little miracles equals Great Mom.  Introducing your children to Jesus and instilling in them characteristics of compassion and love equals Great Mom.  A clean house, in my opinion, doesn't equate to Great Mom - it equates to a clean house which is wonderful.  But a house that is full of love and learning and growing - that equates to greatness.
In Deuteronomy 32:4 it says, "He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He."
I am not a super hero, but God is.  I am not perfect, but God is.  And I think, when we rely on God's strength in us instead of our own strength then parenting becomes a bit easier.  When we remember that we won't be perfect, but that God always is and loves us despite our imperfection - it's easier to laugh at those moments when everything seems to be going wrong (like naked kids in the middle of the church).  Embracing that we will make mistakes, that our kids will not always be spotless well-behaved robots nor will we, and that life is messy and full of imperfections and opportunities to grow will allow us the freedom to truly become great parents.  When our eyes shift from us to Him - that's where we find freedom and the ability to really flourish.
Now I'm going to go grab the magic eraser and get the sharpie off the bathroom counter and then lock all the markers away where no two year old can reach them for a very long time - and then for a walk!

The purpose of this whole thing...

I love writing.  It's become my new passion from the comfort of my own home in the rare quiet moments of my life.  It gives me an outlet to explain what I think, how I feel, or just vent.  It also gives me a sense of fulfillment when I am told how a certain post encouraged or challenged a reader.  I used to be a public speaker and though I enjoyed that immensely, writing is so more freeing - and you can do it in your pajamas!
Some of you who read this regularly know me personally, others - most of you, do not.  The most fundamental characteristic of my life is my relationship with the Lord.  My choices on how I raise my children, to how I operate within my marriage to, gasp, even my political affinity is based on my relationship with Jesus.  I cannot and don't understand how I can separate my love for Jesus and my life I live - for in my opinion, the life I live is because of my love for Jesus.
And therein enters my writing.  One of the biggest things that frustrate me within the Christian community is the hyper-spirituality of people who tend to throw practical Christianity right out the window while trying to appear as though they have obtained some lofty spiritual platform.  It drives me nuts!  It kills me when Christians act superior to people who do not believe, like those who are not believers are mentally deficient somehow.  And it irritates me when Christians say that they want to reach out to people who don't believe - and they do so by offering them Bible verses, instead of loving them to the Lord and to an appreciation of what the Bible says.  I wanted my blog to be a reflection of me, and how I view the Lord and my relationship with Him.  I wanted people to read my writing who don't have a relationship with Jesus and prompt them to think about Jesus in a new light - instead of the way they have always viewed religion.  I wanted Christians to read my posts and be challenged in how they carry out their Christianity in their daily lives - with their children, spouses, and with whoever they happen to meet in public.
And so I have prayed about the direction of my blog - what I would want to accomplish through it and how I want it to be used in the grand scheme of things.  Quite honestly, I have my visions of grandiose success for my blog and writing, but I know we are living in reality.  I don't want it to be a Bible study.  I don't want it to be a feel good fluffy blog where there really is no meat to chew on.  I want it to be a place where people go to be challenged and provoked to think about things differently.  If you want a Bible study, there are some wonderful blogs out there that would meet that need.  If you want a feel good blog full of fluff, there are plenty of those out there for that as well.  But if you want to read something that will challenge you with practical Christianity and be real about the struggles and joys of motherhood, marriage and being a woman - than this is the blog I hope that will meet that need.
Everyday, with a husband and four kids, there is a lot of material that comes to light.  In the last couple of weeks my four year old twins noticed that not all people have the same color of skin that we do, my son told me that he hated me, my little 2 year old Lily started getting attention apart from Luke and Emma, Emma is learning not to challenge authority but to respect it and Will is growing rapidly before my eyes.  My husband and I are praying about what God would want from us as a family in service to Him and what that will look like and just for more fun with it all, I'm still trying to lose the baby weight.  I know that life is full for me, and I am quite aware that life is very full for those who read my blog.  I want to write posts that I feel will encourage and challenge you - and make you laugh a bit.  I want to write about things that will make you feel like you did something valuable with your time by reading them, instead of feeling like you could have spent that ten minutes doing something more productive - so I will do my best to write things that pertain to your life and the things that matter to you.
I had a conversation with my husband recently regarding Biblical Christianity.  In the Bible, I don't recall anyone coming into real relationship with Jesus and then continuing their normal lives.  Once they learned who He really was, they were radically transformed and given a sense of urgency to do something about it.  Some of the disciples were fishermen.  When they came to the reality of who Jesus really was they didn't say, "Wonderful, you are the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.  You are the key to eternal life.  Now excuse me, I need to go catch some salmon."  They dropped their nets, they left everything they held onto and followed Jesus.
I'm not sure that we do that anymore.  I speak for myself, but I think I'm much more like the rich young ruler, except not that rich and definitely not a ruler.  But I love God and I want to serve Him, but I don't want to release the control of the things that give my life comfort and security.  I want to be really make an impact for Christ, as long as I know that there is a paycheck coming every other Friday.  I like control, I like ten year plans, and I'm not much for surprises.  I like things to make sense to me, and happen according to plan - and yet, I know after much experience that nothing rarely happens neatly and according to plan. 
So, I'm not going to wait to make the blog the coolest thing anyone has ever seen.  I'm not going to wait till I have an awesome logo and some really cool pitch.  I feel like God is prompting me to just stop making it about me and what I want and let Him be in control and take it where it may go. 
So here it is, if you read this blog regularly and you are on Facebook, click on "like."  If you are challenged or encouraged, frustrated or even upset with what I write - put it on the wall.  If you have questions, post them.  I don't know where God will take this - maybe nowhere and it will just be my own personal corner to process my thoughts on life.  But if God chooses to use my writing to advance Himself than that is all I can ask for.
Here's to what God holds in His hands and sees with His eyes, and to the faith to believe even when we can't see.

Are you missing the main course?

 Luke 10:38-42 - As they continued their travel, Jesus entered a village. A woman by the name of Martha welcomed him and made him feel quite at home. She had a sister, Mary, who sat before the Master, hanging on every word he said. But Martha was pulled away by all she had to do in the kitchen. Later, she stepped in, interrupting them. "Master, don't you care that my sister has abandoned the kitchen to me? Tell her to lend me a hand." The Master said, "Martha, dear Martha, you're fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it's the main course, and won't be taken from her."

Oh Martha, aren't we all a bit like her?  Or a lot like her for that matter?  It often feels like we are expected to be like her and if we aren't, we are failing at life in some monumental way.
Very rarely do I have the opportunity to sit and read a magazine from cover to cover.  When I actually do find the time, I generally get half way through it and decide that I would rather utilize this rare free time to sleep and then I close the magazine never to open it again.  However, the other night I found myself reading from the beginning to the end of a parenting magazine that I subscribed to while I was pregnant with my twins.
I kept my eyes pried open resisting the urge to sleep as I began to read articles from "How to make your kid a go getter, confident child" to "how not to put too many demands on your kid" to "how to tell if your kid is behind where all the other kids are."  SERIOUSLY?!?!?!  And then between these wonderfully placed stories there are a couple of "how to make yourself look like you have had a full night sleep in the last four years" article where they give you tips on how to make yourself gorgeous in only thirty minutes, which tends to be about 28 minutes more than I typically have.
Talk about pressure!
Along with those articles chalk full of advice, I find myself writing my own articles in my head about what I should be doing, how I should be doing them, when I should be getting them done and with what level of grace they will be accomplished.  From teaching my kids ABC's to explaining to them about the moon and the stars, from introducing them to Jesus to making sure they get enough exercise...I have so much to get done.
I often hear women saying, "I'm too busy, my plate is just too full, I'm so overwhelmed..." and though it may be true, is it necessary - and what and who is it busy and full with?
The other night, something about Martha dawned on me while I was on a date with my husband.  I sat at the table and watched all these other groups of people conversing over their wonderful dinners.  And the favorite topic of conversation?  Themselves.  We all, whether or not we admit it, tend to be our own favorite subject.  And Martha, although she was so busy seemingly tending to Jesus making it be perfect for Him, I think she was thinking about herself and how she would be perceived.  Will Jesus think I'm a good host?  Will He think I'm a good housekeeper?  A fabulous cook?  Will he like my decor?  And then there was Mary.  Not worried about the dust on the book shelf or the appetizer in the oven, she just sat with Jesus hanging on every word He said!  Martha had the best of intentions, but she missed the whole point!  Jesus didn't care about any of that stuff, He wanted Martha to just be so that He could enjoy her company. 
Yet I find myself being Martha so much!  I fall into the thought pattern that my kids have to be smart, and cute and well behaved; my house has to be clean and smell like freshly baked cookies; I need to look like the stepford wife and always have a cheery smile on my face no matter how I feel.  We read magazines that reaffirm to us the importance of being busy and accomplished.  They define what success looks like and how we should measure it within our own family's.  We watch talk shows where they talk about beauty and relational issues like they are three easy steps instead of a lifetime of effort.  We log on to Facebook and post status updates with our most recent successes so all our "friends" can chime in and tell us how indeed successful we really are.  And soon, without realizing it, we start living life like the Sun revolves around our little worlds instead of our little worlds revolving around the Sun.
My twins are turning four on Monday and my baby is going to be one before I know it.  I find myself so busy all the time with stuff - and not really important stuff, just stuff.  I am too busy to just cuddle and read a book unless it is in the schedule and my kids refer me back to it.  Yet all this stuff is not important - I'm missing the main course like Martha.  On Sunday morning, I climbed into bed with Lily and Emma came and nestled in next to me.  Shortly thereafter, Luke came in and made himself a nice little spot and we all read the book, "I Love You As Much."  In that moment, when that small little twin bed was full of laughter and smiles, warmth and love - I knew that I was experiencing the main course.  My kids are smart and they will learn how to read.  My kids are well rounded and if they aren't right where "normal" is or exceeding it every time, is that really going to ruin their lives?  If my house isn't show ready or I'm not 125 pounds - is God going to love me less?  NO!  He wants me.  He wants me to revolve around Him and what He says success is - not what the newest parenting magazine, talk show or even women's bible study says.  I want to have a full plate and be busy, but with things that really are important to God - not just things that make me look important to God.
So, are you a Mary or a Martha?  Are you revolving around the Sun, or have you slipped into living like the Sun revolves around you?  Are you busy with things are truly important to the Lord or just busy with things that make you look important to the Lord?
I encourage you this week to sit in His presence and just be.  I encourage you to pray how you can get your world revolving the right way.  I challenge you to be busy with what matters - so you don't miss the main course!

Sick and tired...

So, I've been literally very sick and tired this week.  When I become less sick and not so incredibly tired I will post.
Hope everyone has been having a great week in their jungles!

Yes, I'm that girl.

I was that girl. 
You know, the one who always had a boyfriend who was definitely "the one" until they proved, usually within days, that they were definitely NOT "the one."  My poor youth pastor/surrogate dad who had to endure painful call after painful call of me so elated that I had found the one, and then the preceding call of me devastated to find out that, yet again, I was wrong.  As a matter of fact when I had met Dave and was once again in the "he's the one" phase (but that time I really knew, really) I introduced Dave to Mark.  Mark heard his name, yet with all the sarcasm he could muster he said, "Hi Doug."  I quickly corrected him.  Mark continued, "Dave, Doug - is it really going to matter in a week?"  Needless to say I was angry and hurt at his bluntness and it took me quite a few years to admit that his comment was totally warranted.  But regardless, I was her - the girl who had to have a boyfriend, because whether or not I wanted to admit it - I needed a boyfriend to define me.  Despite all my accomplishments in ministry, my boldness, my love for the Lord, I felt as though I was lacking an identity unless I had a guy to define who I was.
Dave and I began dating and we started looking for a church to attend together.  I was so excited to go to church with my boyfriend, like I had arrived or something.  And then it was the meet and greet time, that I so generally despise during a church service.  I stood there while men came and talked to Dave and no women came and talked to me.  I saw quite a few walk by, glance down at my hand and with the absence of a ring they continued walking.  We probably went to five or six churches where the women were just not welcoming to me and definitely were not inviting to me to be a part of their social group.  I figured they should just wear signs on their backs, "MARRIED WOMEN NEED ONLY TO SPEAK TO ME."  And then I realized, that being a girlfriend was not the sign of definition, it was being a wife.  I needed to be a wife - and then I would be a whole person, one with much definition.
So after a couple of years, Dave and I got married.  We were youth/children's pastors at a church.  And the women there were sweet to me and I made great friendships but I then was made aware of another huge deficit that I had in regards to all the other women.  I didn't have children.  The youth kids moms would talk to me like I was still a little girl, the mom's of little kids in our church would talk to me like I had NO clue about their lives since I didn't have children (which I really didn't...but still) and I still felt left out.  And then I realized that I must need kids to define me, to make me a complete person.  So Dave and I started to try - and then we were told we couldn't.  And each Sunday as I would check kids in for Sunday school and the moms would drop off their children so excited to get a break, my heart would break.  The moms would tell me their war stories of what it took them to get to church that morning and how their kids were just driving them nuts.  As my heart was breaking and my stomach twisting because of how badly I desired to be a mom, I would get angry at their ungrateful hearts.  They had no idea what our struggle was - it wasn't their issue, but it did cement the fact in my mind that until I had children I was not a complete woman.
Three years and four children later, I am now a mom.  And all those women that I so desperately wanted to be a part of their groups?  I'm too busy.  And yet I find myself, after all these years and with the addition of all these roles, still finding myself defining who I am in those roles.  If someone was to ask me who I was, I think my honest answer would be, "I'm Melissa - Dave's wife, my kid's mom."  I still, to be honest, find my definition in other people.
Now pause with me a bit.  When Dave and I were going through the phase of finding a church and me feeling left out by all the married women, I told him that I would love to write a book one day for women being so cliquey and contrary to the Gospel because of it.  Yet, in the last few years, God has opened my heart up to His truth a bit more - and the real issue at hand.
I have a friend who I adore.  Her family became like family to Dave and me.  She has twins too (her's are teens) and I just love her.  Her husband Todd loved God and his family.  Dave really admired the man Todd was and wanted to emulate him.  Their names were synonymous with each other, really the sentence didn't feel complete unless you said "Mimi and Todd."  But one night, when we lived in Kalispell, I got a phone call and I was told that Todd had died.  I felt like I had just been punched in the gut.  They must have heard wrong - but it was true.  Todd died unexpectantly, and they were never able to figure out what caused his death.   A few weeks later, we traveled back to Idaho for the memorial service where my friend stood and addressed the group.  This woman, stood there as a beacon of strength - because although she lost part of her heart, she didn't lose who she was.  Now more than ever, she was aware that her identity was found in the one who gives life and takes it away.  Her definition was in God.
There was another couple I knew when I was pregnant with Lily.  The wife was pregnant with her first baby and she was elated.  Her definition was about to happen, she was going to be a mom.  When Dave got sick and our whole world was focusing inward, we started getting phone calls from the husband.  The day after Dave was diagnosed with MS, this couple lost their precious baby boy to SIDS.  As quickly as she got her defining role, it was stripped away.  And with no identity in who she really was apart from being a mother, her whole world crumbled around her.
 I take for granted my roles and sometimes bellyache about them because I'm so tired much of the time.  But I treasure my husband, and my children are such amazing blessings from the Lord.  In paying attention to being a wife and a mom, quite honestly at times I forget to pay much attention to me.  Now before I go on further, this is not going to turn into a post all about taking long baths and scheduling massage days to pamper ourselves.  Although that would be fabulous, and a bit unattainable at the present place in my life, this is not the point.  Sometimes I forget to pay attention to who I am as a child of God.  Because if ever I had to stand where Mimi stood without notice or hold a baby who was no longer living - I must know that it doesn't change who I am to God.
Before I was a mom to my wonderful children, a wife to my amazing husband, an employee to an employer - even before I was a daughter to my mother - I was a child of God. That was my first role and it will be my last role.  It has defined my life, even when I thought there was no definition.  And I can get caught up in my responsibilities and forget my responsibility to myself, to my God.  I need to pay attention, close attention to what God is calling me to do.  I need to know what my Lord is requiring of me - not just in my capacity as wife and mom.  And with as much zeal and excitement as I put into defining myself with becoming a wife and a mother I need to passionately pursue the constant definition that God offers.
So today, think on how you define yourself.  Consider who you have allowed to determine who you are.  Is your role as a child of God on the forefront of the list or is it an obligatory after thought?  Jesus really does love you, He died for you - and in that, lies an eternity of purpose and definition.

Please define yourself

To "define" according to the Webster dictionary is to "determine or identify the essential qualities or meaning of."

In ten words or less please define who you are.  It's really easy to leave a comment...I would really appreciate it!

Soloists and the sinners....

The two friends stood in the checkout line snickering at the cashier.  They commented on her hair, her makeup, her clothes.  They called her names and ridiculed her.  The cashier, who comes across very "colorful" people all day long didn't pay too much attention until the two women paused from their mocking session just long enough to converse over their nervousness regarding the church solo that one of them would be performing on Sunday.  The cashier looked up and said sheepishly, "So, you are Christians.  That will be nineteen dollars and 48 cents."  The two women were deeply offended at the tone in which the cashier spoke to them and demanded to speak to the manager at once.  The manager, who had seen this whole event take place, cordially greeted the women.  They ranted and raved to the manager all about the hostility they received undeservedly from the cashier.  The manger nicely said, "Thank you ladies.  Before I can proceed with any action regarding my employee I will review the DVR tape."  They looked at him with anger, and a slight bit of confusion.  And then his voice softened into a quiet whisper.  "I was once a pastor, and there are many things I would like to share with you right now regarding what the Bible says about how you spoke to my cashier."  He then stood there staring at them.  Their faces filled with embarrassment and they quickly took their belongings and left the store.
That manager came to his home later that evening embarrassed at how those women behaved.  He came home with a heavy heart because he knew that the event had just further confirmed to those women that Christians were hypocrites and frauds.  He walked in his home defeated because for every step he makes with these people, "Christians" come and knock him back another four.
That manager is my husband.
Dave was so angry that night, like many other Sunday nights after he gets off work.  The Christians, some still with their name tags with their church's logo proudly on it, coming in and treating people with great disrespect and disdain.  But my heart hurts because more importantly than the logo of a church, we are representing something much greater.  We are supposed to be the reflection of Christ to a broken and dying world - yet we mock and sneer, and behave as badly or worse than those who have never even heard the name of Jesus.
Christians are humans, I understand that, but we are supposed to know (personally) the Remedy.  In the Doctrine book that I mentioned a couple posts ago by Mark Driscoll and Gary Breshears, they likened us to a broken mirror, reflecting the image of God, that is getting pieced back together instead of the proverbial empty cup that is being filled.  We have that responsibility to show people Christ; what are you doing with that?
I stood in line yesterday at the store buying formula for my baby, desperately trying to fight a migraine that won the battle for the most party of yesterday.  I was grumpy, tired, and feeling all but Christ like.  When it was my turn, the lady gave me a half smile and I may have grunted back (seriously, two migraines in three days with four kids under four is not a recipe for a loving reflection of God!) but I in no way took it as an invitation for a discussion.  I could tell she was having a rough day, but so was I - and so we were both just going to have to deal with it. 
BY THE WAY, THIS POST IS AS MUCH DIRECTED AT ME AS IT IS TO THOSE WHO READ IT.
As I took my change and began to walk away, I heard the couple who was in line behind me greet the cashier with, "Have you ever heard that Jesus loves you?  You look like you have had a rough day, and we just wanted to remind you that He loves you."  I watched as the disposition of the cashier melted and a huge burden appeared to have lifted off her back.  I was convicted.
We can go to our Bible studies, and our church meetings.  We can go to our home groups and our prayer events.  We can read the best devotionals and study the Bible with deep fervor.  We can sing great solos and write great blogs - but in the end, what does our reflection look like?
God can use even the most broken of mirrors, as we won't be totally perfect and put together until we are with Him, but can people make Christ out when they look at you or do they cut themselves on the broken shards of glass?  Just remember, they won't know that we are Christians by our lofty knowledge or our wonderful Christianese speak; but in John 13:35 Jesus tells us how they will know: 
"This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other."
So as you go about your day, just think on this:  Who are you reflecting today?