Saturday

I don't know. What do I talk about? I have so much on my mind and apparently the inability to form a complete sentence or thought to communicate any of it. Maybe I should just save it all for another day, or maybe get just one or two things out of the way right now. That's what I will do, not that they are insignificant by any means.
The first: Ok, well that's not working. I've deleted this and retyped this stupid sentence three times.
Ok, just one thing - we will keep it simple.
Yesterday was Good Friday. Tomorrow is Easter, or Resurrection Sunday. Can you imagine what people were thinking 2000 years ago on Saturday? Yesterday all hope was lost and yet they didn't know that tomorrow was coming? Today, today must have just felt like a cruel joke.
I love Easter. Easter is the holiday that speaks to the core of who I am.
I know some of you who read this are not "religious" - well, I would like to think I'm not either, but I understand where you are coming from. I know some of you who check in now and then with my blog have been burned by the church - so have I. I know that others of you who read this would quickly say that you were a Christian but in your heart you aren't really sure - and I get that too. However, I love Jesus. I love Him. I love what He did for me and tomorrow I get to celebrate it.
Ooh, check me out, a few posts ago about politics and now religion - I'm on the edge! Ha!
Yesterday was a rotten day. The weather was gross, I had loved ones who were visiting that had to leave way too soon, my stomach felt nauseous, Dave was short tempered, and our children were less than angels yesterday. And me, oh me. All my rotten, gross, disgusting parts were on full display. Fruit of the Spirit was not very evident at all - ok, not even remotely present. And we loaded our family in the van to head to church and I wanted to cry. I knew that I had messed up yesterday. I knew I behaved ugly and though I had apologized to my children I knew that I had messed up and just felt horrible about it. I couldn't shake my behavior as we checked our kids into church and went and found our seats in the sanctuary.
This was the first year that we went to church on Easter weekend on Good Friday. I'm not sure I will be able to keep myself away tomorrow just because what's Easter without church, but going last night was pretty incredible.
Friday Jesus was slaughtered. He wasn't just hung on a pretty cross with a pretty crown of rose stems around his head. He was murdered a brutal, horrible, painful, miserable, beyond imagination sort of way. He could have, at any point in the whole disgusting series of events, stepped right off that cross and taken all of them out. He could have, but he didn't. The cost for sin is death. Innocent blood had to be shed to forgive sins - and Jesus, allowed Himself, the most innocent of all, to be sacrificed for us.
I've always known that Jesus died for my sins, and that realization has been clear to me more and more as I have grown older, but last night it took on new form. As I sat in my chair listening to the pastor preach, I realized that Jesus died for my sins that day.
Dave and I came home and we decided that we wanted to watch Passion of the Christ. Definitely not a movie night movie, but we felt that we needed to be reminded of what Jesus went through last night 2000 years ago. As we watched and flinched and turned our eyes away as they beat Jesus with the cat of nine tails and shoved that crown of thorns on his head I was reminded that Jesus did that for me. For my sins.
And today, with the knowledge of what happened tomorrow 2000 years ago, I was filled with hope. Now, my children's behavior was not drastically different than yesterday, but I had just been given focus again - and tomorrow is new life. Tomorrow, hope is alive. Tomorrow, Jesus proved that He was God in flesh. Tomorrow is a wonderful day!
If you don't know Jesus or have just never really given it thought, please do. If you have questions, please ask. I'm not pushy, but I am passionate. Jesus has changed my life - the real Jesus, not the pious fake churchy Jesus, but the real, amazing, strong, ALIVE Jesus.
Happy Easter!