I love God's timing.
Ok, really, that was insanely sarcastic. Because actually, most times, I don't.
I, as you all know, would like things to be neatly done on my schedule...right.on.time.
How many of you remember this post? What to do, what to do? Remember? The nice little fertility office called and asked what my plans were - and I was freaking out over what to do.
Well, let me sum it up for you.
We transferred them. We signed all 479 papers to have the two embryos transferred one floor up in the same building so as to avoid making an actual decision about what to do with them, and signed another little paper that we would provide payment promptly.
Then that whole God's timing thing...
We then started our worse economic year of our marriage to date.
So they never got paid.
Nice, I know. But while they are being "babysat" in a freezer, we have four warm ones running around like crazy needing to be fed and clothed CONSTANTLY...and they take precedent.
And then we got a letter.
"Your embryos will be discarded if we don't receive payment."
Great. But we have no money. We have no viable option to pay them. So I do nothing and pray that God's will be done (Which is totally an easy prayer when there is no viable option other than God doing His thing.)
Then we receive another letter about a month later saying they are going to send us to collections over it.
Great. We have no money. Now we are going to get harassing phone calls about paying for our frozen babies. But, we have no viable option to pay them. So I do nothing and pray that God's will be done...again.
Then we receive another letter saying, "Please sign your renewal contract for the storage of your 2 embryos until August 2012, with an additional 350 dollars in addition to the 475 you owe us from last year."
Great. They didn't throw them away. Praise God. But, we have no money. So I do nothing and pray that God's will be done...again.
But then, I did it. I called an embryo adoption center...because let's face it - I'm just as overwhelmed as I was when I first posted about this (except Luke hasn't driven the van recently) and financially another kid or 2 more kids for that matter right now would just not be smart (by all worldly standards, right?)
As I spoke to them, they informed me all about how embryo adoptions are open adoptions now. Our embryos would be mixed with other embryos and if ours took they would let us know after the baby(ies) were born and we could get pictures, even have visitation...
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I would go to jail. I would kidnap my child. I don't care if it is June Cleaver parenting my kid- seeing my children's pictures calling someone else Mommy?
What would happen if when they turned 18 they showed up and saw our family, the 6 of us, and wondered why they weren't good enough to keep? We are a happy family. We aren't in crisis. We love our children with all of our hearts - we would just have to tell them that 6 kids were just not part of the, well, our plan - and that just doesn't seem like a good enough reason.
So, then the head guy of the cryobank (the place that's babysitting the embryos) calls me and leaves a message to call him back immediately.
Nice. Now, I can't avoid any longer...
So, I sit down with Dave. We discuss. No easy words. And after two hours of heartfelt communication, we finally made our decision - the only decision that we felt would be honoring to God...as crazy and irresponsible it may seem to the whole world.
We are going to have the embryos transferred...to me.
I called the guy. I told him the truth. I had been avoiding him. He nicely agreed to a payment plan until we get our tax return (GOD, PLEASE BE A BIG TAX RETURN) and paid them off in full...and our monthly payment is 75.00
There goes that God's timing thing again.
School is about to start. School supplies, school clothes, school shoes - I'm overwhelmed people.
Dave is frantically looking for another job that will be more stable (since we all know how well bookstores are going right now) and we are quite literally living from paycheck to paycheck. And now, we have 75 dollars going out extra each month.
Ok, God. Your will be done...(which is quite an easy prayer when you have no other viable option)
And then a friend calls me and asks if I will watch her son when school starts - FOR PAY!
Dave and I just looked at each other in shock.
Then, we went to Luke's best little buddy's birthday party yesterday. The paperwork is on our counter. We have to send him 75.00 this week (before the next paycheck) and although my desire for comfort is still there, I'm learning how to be content with God's plan...no matter how uncomfortable it is. All of a sudden my friend (who was hosting the party) handed me 200.00 saying it wasn't from her, she was just a messenger.
When I handed Dave the money last night he looked at me with a questioning look. I told him what had happened. He looked at me in shock.
So, here we are. God provided again - in such miraculous ways, like He has done over and over again this year as we have been hit so hard economically.
We have no idea how we are going to pay for the actual transfer (about 5000.00) but we are confident that we have finally made the best, the right, the only decision we could make...and give them a chance at life - and we are just as confident that God will somehow, how crazy and uncomfortable it may be, provide for that to be done.
The thought of 5000 dollars right now is beyond comprehension.
The thought of the possibility of two more children, making us a family of 8, is unimaginable to me - especially since I have shouted from the rooftops since Will was born, "I AM DONE WITH HAVING CHILDREN!"
The thought of brand new school clothes for my kids seemed impossible and now, we have a pile that keeps growing as other families are blessing my family, and humbling us greatly.
The thought that we would make it 5 months without income seemed ridiculous. And now in hindsight, I see how God worked miracles the entire time, providing and sustaining our family.
And after that...after being so freshly aware of God's greatness when we succumb to the fact that God is always the only viable option...after that, 5000 dollars doesn't seem so insurmountable.
Two more kids doesn't seem so overwhelming (although I will need prayer for my mental health) when I am made so aware of how God loves me and the 4 kids we have so much - that I am confident that how much more He will take care of us when there are, possibly 2 more.
I don't know what lies ahead...I think I'm done making plans since they never seem to go the way I planned. But what I do know is that God is the only viable option, and He will provide.
Do you know that?