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Sunday, May 9, 2010

Happy Mother's Day?

I sat reading my mom friends post all about how wonderful their Mother's Day was going.  "Spoiled," "Perfect," "Best Ever," were only some of the ways that my friends described their day.  How wonderful.
No really, excuse any hint of sarcasm in my voice, that is wonderful.  Delight when others delight...
However, as I sat in front of my computer wanting to cover my ears and sing, "la la la la la" in the loudest voice possible to drown out the screams of all four of my preschoolers, toddler and baby I felt, I don't know, a tinge of envy.  Fine, more like a pool of envy.
My day from the moment it started consisted of whining, crying and fighting.  On the day when by all accounts I'm supposed to be served, I remained the servant.  I fed my children breakfast.  I got them their snacks, their drinks, their toys, their everything.  I cleaned the bathrooms and mopped the floors.  I did the dishes and the laundry.  I disciplined, because there was definitely no lack of need for it today.  And my husband was gone for the majority of the day at work...on his way home as I write to his wife who he knows is not happy (I'm sure he's really excited to come home today!)
During nap after I cried some admittedly selfish tears I decided that I would have the kids take me on a date.  So, they woke up and I packed them up to head to one of the "fancy" restaurants for lunch.  Of course when we got there it was raining cats and dogs and the five of us had to run across the parking lot, drenched by the time we reached the door.  As I sat my kids on the bench in the waiting area, my heart was filled with all emotions that I would rather not feel on Mothers Day, or any day for that matter.  However, during lunch my kids were fantastic which was a nice reprieve from how the morning had gone and how, unknowingly, the rest of the day would go.
Then as the kids' day was winding down I decided to fight the clean up battle and though they lost a 45 gallon container of toys they finally finished cleaning the living room - only to destroy it one last time before they headed to bed...and now I have to clean it up, again.
So, today instead of being able to post how wonderful and perfect and best of all time my mother's day was...I will just say that it was.  It was a day that I am glad it's over and tomorrow will be just like it, I'm sure - but totally different.  Tomorrow I have no expectations for pampering and relaxation.  Tomorrow is just another day in mommyhood...and I think I like those days better.
I have run into a lot of people who are reading the blog and they tell me how I put such a different, positive perspective on things.  Admittedly, there are a lot of times where I have to reach that positive perspective through my really selfish bad attitude...and then I blog.  Today, however, I'm writing pretty transparently.  Tomorrow I am sure I will have some lesson from today, but right now, I'm just grumpy.
As mom's, especially after a few kids, Christmas isn't such a big deal personally any more.  It is about the kids and the magic for them (of course about Jesus too, but you know what I mean.)  My birthday comes and goes without any big horrah, which is fine by me.  Our anniversary is a day in which we may get dinner but at this point with four kids, it isn't horribly romantic.  And Valentines - oh Valentines, it's just not a day I hold tightly to.  But Mother's Day.  That's the one day a year I expect attention and pampering - to hear thank you's and I love you's and be treated like a princess.  And I build up these expectations in my head, unrealistic at best because my oldest aren't even four yet and they don't understand what Mother's day is.  They were even wishing men "Happy Mother's Day" today.
So, maybe tomorrow I will have a great encouraging post - but today I had to use it as a venting post.  To all you mom's who read this, I hope you had a wonderful, perfect, amazing Mother's Day - because you all deserved it!

5 comments:

Mom

You certainly "deserve" a nice Mother's Day and I'm so sorry you were disappointed. I love you.

Martha A.

Awww...I have had a few mother's day's like those. I was actually amazed this year things have started to change slowly.

3boymomma

I have had Mother's Days like that. None us deserves anything. There were several things that happened that gave me the temptation to be disappointed or angry, but for some amazing reason I just let them go. It was strange. I was thankful God gave me the ability to do that. It was definitely supernatural.

You are a great Mom, doing a great job, with some great challenges and demands. Keep up the good work and YES - vent. You have to. We all have to. Transparency is a vital part of who we choose to be so only God can be reflected in our lives, not our own "brilliance". I love and admire you!

3boymomma

Oops... upon scanning what I wrote I found an incomplete thought... I know you are stunned... "none of us deserves anything" needs to have this added to the sentence... Only God provides - we just don't "deserve". We are here at His will, for His appointed season to reveal His glory here on earth. :)

3boymomma

Oops... upon scanning what I wrote I found an incomplete thought... I know you are stunned... "none of us deserves anything" needs to have this added to the sentence... Only God provides - we just don't "deserve". We are here at His will, for His appointed season to reveal His glory here on earth. :)

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