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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Does feminism = bully?

I have stated this before, and I'm sure it will frustrate some of you women that read this, but I am not, repeat, NOT a feminist.  In the least.

I appreciate the women who went before me to fight for voting rights and equality...but in my (maybe simplistic) mind there is a difference between equality and feminism.

It seems as though, when I was little and I would hear the word feminism it meant equality - Equal pay, equal opportunities (which, even in that I'm not sure that equal opportunities is always the good or right thing for that matter...but I digress.)

In fact, in my life, in the short amount of time that I worked (in an office, and in speaking) that I had just as many opportunities as the next person.

But in my adult life, you know the part of life when the money from a job and the stability of a career actually goes to pay bills instead of my entertainment budget, feminism has taken on such a rotten connotation for me.

I'm not sure when it happened, but now it seems that feminism = mean.

From the women that I have seen in recent years who have managed to climb the ladder to upper or executive leadership, one common trait is in them all - they are mean, nasty women.

They are angry, accusatory, ungraceful, merciless - but they are the boss and don't you ever forget it...oh and me?  Well, I'm just an underling who stays at home...

But it makes me think.

I know society says that women are supposed to be one way.  Feminism would like us to be completely equal to men (from what I gather nowadays).  But the bible, you know the book that God inspired, it talks about a woman in a completely different way.

In Proverbs 31 it talks about the wife of noble character and in essence, the virtuous woman.  It speaks to her ability to run her household, be an entrepreneur, support her husband and be involved in the community.  Proverbs 31:25-26 it says:  "She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.  She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue."

I wonder if women, in trying to get ahead, chose to handle themselves according to what the Bible says instead of what society says, if they would actually be more successful.  I wonder if women were kind and wise, giving faithful instruction that is strong and be very respectable if they would climb the ladder faster with less enemies.  I wonder if instead of back biting, undermining, gossiping, trying to be the alpha male, we embraced the feminine qualities that God wants for us to have - if we would achieve our goals more effectively.

And from the wife of a man who has had to work with some of these women, I am confident that the men who work for you would do so more happily if you led them with strength and dignity instead of harshness and criticism.

I don't know, just sayin'.

7 comments:

Day 2 Day Living

Well I won't go into my rant about women and equality or their rights. But lets just say I don't agree w/ society much.

Lindsey

Equality and sameness aren't the same thing. I think the crux of the issue lies on valuing what is traditionally considered "women's work" as much as the roles more traditionally held by men. I hope that you want your girls' future professions (be that doctor, janitor, or stay-at-home mom) to be recognized as being as essential for society's functioning as whatever your boys do. I definitely consider myself a feminist. It's important to remember that not all people who are mean are feminists, and not all feminists are mean. I've had plenty of rude, condescending, witchy MALE bosses, much more than women supervisors. My female bosses have been, as a whole, more supportive, considerate, and kind, actually. I've also known many women who are conservative, anti-feminist, stay-at-home mom types who are precisely how you describe. I just think that accusing feminism as a whole for the sins of a few isn't the way to fix things.

barefootin' in SC

I am a FEMINIST ! I am not mean or nasty in any way...I love being a women for many reasons..and i adore some men...others..well won't say..and I adore some women too..not the mean nasty type you describe..other women who help to equalize our out of balance world for other women, who take the time to be kind..pay it forward..want our children to grow up in a more equa; balanced world..so I am proud to say ..Yes I am!

Love your blog..never commented before..this is a very contraversial subject!~<3 ~jane :o)

Melissa Sharon

Thank you for the comments...I suppose I should clarify from where I was coming from. It seems that the women who have been in leadership positions often tend to instantly make my hubby an enemy - and we can't figure why other than they are man haters. So, maybe there is a difference between feminists and man haters - thanks for clearing that up for me :) And yes, I want my daughter who wants to be a pediatrician to have all the same opportunities as my son would...but with that said, I want them to have the SAME opportunities instead of one (woman or man) being favored. I just wish success could be earned by ability and work ethic, not by gender and less than honorable ways. Did I clear it up, or make it more muddy? Oh, and thanks for commenting Jane!!!

Martha A.

Melissa, you sure like to hit hot topic buttons!
I think that women and men are different, but that both are highly valued members of society and neither one is worth more or less that the other. We are all equal in God's eyes. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Hate is hate. Whether it is a woman who hates a man simply because he is a man or a man who hates a woman simply because she is a woman....
Devaluing someone because of their sex, nationality, color pretty much anything is not right..

barefootin' in SC

I am a FEMINIST ! I am not mean or nasty in any way...I love being a women for many reasons..and i adore some men...others..well won't say..and I adore some women too..not the mean nasty type you describe..other women who help to equalize our out of balance world for other women, who take the time to be kind..pay it forward..want our children to grow up in a more equa; balanced world..so I am proud to say ..Yes I am!

Love your blog..never commented before..this is a very contraversial subject!~<3 ~jane :o)

Lindsey

Equality and sameness aren't the same thing. I think the crux of the issue lies on valuing what is traditionally considered "women's work" as much as the roles more traditionally held by men. I hope that you want your girls' future professions (be that doctor, janitor, or stay-at-home mom) to be recognized as being as essential for society's functioning as whatever your boys do. I definitely consider myself a feminist. It's important to remember that not all people who are mean are feminists, and not all feminists are mean. I've had plenty of rude, condescending, witchy MALE bosses, much more than women supervisors. My female bosses have been, as a whole, more supportive, considerate, and kind, actually. I've also known many women who are conservative, anti-feminist, stay-at-home mom types who are precisely how you describe. I just think that accusing feminism as a whole for the sins of a few isn't the way to fix things.

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