Today, after a couple of really laborious days, I wanted to call in sick.
I have it all planned out. I will make the call, use my really sick voice, and then crawl back in bed and watch horrible day time shows all day long. Sounds like a great plan. Except...
Who do I call? Who do I use my really sick voice to? And the giant question, why would I even remotely think that my bed would be a place of comfort and solitude for the day?
I suppose a day off isn't coming for a long time.
I remember when the twins were first born and the first Friday came and I felt a sense of excitement inside me at about three in the afternoon. I stopped to try to figure out why I would be feeling this way and I realized it was because it was almost the weekend. Time for a break! Until I was hit with the reality that I would not be having a weekend, time off - EVER AGAIN (or so it feels)
Being a mom is hard. Being a wife is hard. Being sometimes is just hard. Kids are human and unfortunately, so imperfect, just like us. 5 humans inside of four walls daily can become a little intense. Emotions are high, voices are loud, demands are extreme...oh the days of our lives. I so badly wanted to have children and when the doctor told me that I couldn't have kids unless we did IVF I was saddened, but ready to jump on board. And thank the Lord, it worked right away and both took and we were blessed with our twins. And then about 10 months later I was sitting in their pediatrician's office and I started to cry.
I was so overwhelmed (I didn't know the least of it, or that I was pregnant with Lily!) and I began to tell him how I feel such guilt because I so desperately wanted them and so often I am so frustrated with them, well, being them. He told me he completely understood, and in that moment I realized that part of that frustration just comes along with parenting.
That's nice and sweet and touching. But today I want a break. I love my kids with all my heart, but today, I want a break. I want to sleep and watch grown up tv and sleep some more. Then maybe take a bubble bath and then get a massage and then sleep some more. Eat a wonderful dinner and then sleep again for twelve hours straight.
But, no day off for me. That's fine. I will take a quick ten minute nap before they wake from theirs and have the kids entertain me and then I will give them a bath. We will have macaroni and cheese for dinner and I will go to sleep for one hour at a time tonight, all to do it again tomorrow. And I suppose, I wouldn't have it any other way (except for the 12 hours of straight sleep part) :)