Saturday, June 25, 2011

Discovering The Value Of Girlfriends

I never peeled an orange well until this year.

I didn't learn how to legitimately whistle until I was well in my twenties.

And I think I was about eleven when I realized that after people sneezed they were saying, "Bless You," and not, "Bleshschue" (a word from what I assumed was some foreign language.)

Sometimes, yes sometimes, I am a slow learner.

Something else that has taken me my entire life to fully understand is relationships.  Not with men (perhaps what you are thinking...which is a whole 'nother post!) but with women.

Oh women.

I've just never been a fan really of, well, us.

I mean throughout my childhood and teenage years I had a few good girl friends, but I always felt more comfortable around men.  I think my reasons were all very reasonable, and to this day, think I had a very logical point.

1.  Men don't gossip.
2.  Men don't back bite.
3.  Men aren't (generally) emotional.
4.  Men are pretty consistent.
5.  Men don't always need to talk.

(And yes, referring to my future post about understanding men, these aforementioned things are sometimes the things that drive me crazy about my man...)

Anyhow, but then I got married.  To a man.  And all of a sudden it seemed rather inappropriate to hang with my buddies.  I know some of you women can maintain healthy relationships with your man friends that have very staunch boundaries...however, we just decided to not even let a foot hold in our relationship - blah blah blah, moving on...

And then it was my husband and me.  All the time.  Every day.  Awesome.

No, really, I like him so it's good.  We maintained this little lifestyle of ours for awhile and then we decided to add a few more faces to our picture and then it was my husband and my four kids who don't speak intelligible English half the time and me.  All the time.  Every day. Awe-freaking-some.

And then I realized it, slow learner that I am, that I perhaps need to befriend other people who don't have my last name.  Shocking, I know.

I even recently read an article about how women benefit from spending time with other women:
"The speaker (head  of psychiatry at Stanford) said, among other things, that one of the best things that a man could do for his health is to be married to a woman whereas for a  woman, one of the best things she could do for her health was to nurture her relationships with her girlfriends."

Nurturing relationships with girlfriends.  Hmmm....  I quite honestly don't know what that actually looks like, I mean in an effective way.

Recently my dear friend, with four children of her own, came to visit.  I love her.  But I'm not sure how many sentences we were able to actually complete or complete thoughts we were able to communicate during our three hour visit.  Were we nurturing our friendship?  Probably to some degree...but really, quite honestly, it left me hungry for more.

And Facebook, well, I tend to have more meaningful conversations over Facebook than I do in person or on the phone - because you can't hear the screaming in person or be interrupted 21343923 times because someone threw something at someone else because someone did something to someone - but that still doesn't fill the void I have often times for genuine relationship.

So, what's the solution?

Invest in my relationships, make new relationships with girlfriends.  Perhaps without children so real words can be spoken and heard.  But it must happen.

How are you feeling?  Do you feel like you need to connect with other women?  Are you hungry for relationship with other women to tell you that "no, you aren't crazy" and "yes, that's perfectly normal?"  Do you wish you had friends that could tell you, "Yes, my kid TOTALLY did that" and "Yes, you really should call the doctor."  Perhaps you are ready for friends who can go deeper and say, "I will walk with you friend during this trial," or those ladies who can pray with you for clarity when things are so hazy and confusing.

If so, wanna have coffee?



I'm with you in so many ways. I grew up with male friends and still have a strong circle of male friends. I also have several women friends but unfortunately few are local to me. At this stage of my life -- 30, married, unemployed, no kids, housewife -- I need a few women in my daily life that I can talk to and have coffee with.

My husband is my rock. My supporter even when we're ready to strangle each other. But as much as I love him I also need the support of girlfriends whom I can confide in and enjoy a an afternoon out.

Fortunately I'll be returning to school in the very near future so perhaps I'll make some women friends. In the meantime, I do enjoy the support and friendship I do get from women online. Wish it was more but I am still appreciative of what I do have.


I agree Kim about women I have met online - as I think women can encourage each other so well, even if not in person. But I do think there is so much to be said about actually seeing someone in person. Good luck with school - I hope you find wonderful friendships there!


I know exactly what you mean I can't stand women or other moms its seems. They i just can't get along with any of them. I am not a park parent either so i tend to go to parks where its empty so ppl don't small talk with me. My goal right now is to keep my strong connections with past gfs since i know i like them lol. Plus all the drama BS is long since passed with them as well.

*sigh* no idea what to do or even how to go about making new friends lol!! I at least need a good phone call once a day maybe lol!!


I think that now I find that we are all so similar that I have found myself being a park mom and starting small talk with other moms there. I think if we get over our preconceived thoughts and feelings about each other we could all grow so much from relationships with each other. I hope you figure out a way to make new friends - I know it can be challenging!!!


Relationships with women has always been a bit intimidating to me, as a sister to four boys and mother to four boys. I feel I understand boys better. I often don't even recognize my own needs as a woman. It is a learning process.


I'm with you Angela! I think that just now I'm figuring out what those needs are, but I still don't know how to be proactive in meeting are totally right about it being a learning process!

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