At 4:45 this morning, my son Luke woke me up. "Good morning Mommy! It's wake up time! The sun is awake!" I quickly pulled him into my bed and nestled him between Dave and me. For the next two hours I fought with him to go back to sleep, which was a losing battle, since all he could see was the sun beckoning him to play outside. I laid there in bed, frustrated that I was once again losing precious sleep which lately I have really been feeling the effects of. I thought to myself about how I would blog on how frustrated and even resentful I become when I lose sleep night after night after night. But eventually, we all emerged from bed and I knew it would be a good day despite my incredible lack of sleep. I got a shower (which is always a landmark moment), we went to the store to buy a darkening shade for Luke's room:), and we were on our way to the park after a quick pit stop at my mom's to say hi.
About an hour later, I woke up and began to replay what had happened this morning. And then the reality of what could have happened this morning hit me.
I was so frustrated this morning because my kids were out of bed all night last night. I was so irritated that they not only took all my energy during the day but they also took every last ounce of energy I had left while I should have been sleeping. And yet, in a matter of seconds I could have lost three of my four beautiful, wonderful, precious children. Luke was in the driver seat and the girls were in the passenger seat - and then he turned the car on. If he had turned the car on seconds sooner, the car could have rolled right over the girls. Luke jumped out and got skinned by the car, but had he jumped out a second sooner, the car could have rolled right over him. In a matter of seconds, my entire life could have changed forever.and I would have been aching for a lack of sleep caused by my full of life kids.
I know that in a couple of days when the shock of all this has dissipated a bit, especially since Luke didn't get injured severely, I will be grumpy about not sleeping again. But I will be keeping this day in the forefront of my memory bank so I can revisit my emotion and keep perspective on being a mom. Being a good mom is hard work. Being patient and kind, loving and gentle at all times can sometimes feel impossible. Sometimes, especially on those nights when I am lacking any quantifiable amounts of sleep, being a mom can seem like a real lack luster thankless job.
But today I was reminded that I am so blessed to be a mom. I am so blessed to have four amazing children who are full of life and curiosity. I am so blessed that tonight I got to tuck in four healthy kids.
If you are discouraged today as you are reading this, please know you are so amazingly fortunate to be a mommy to your children. It's easy to lose perspective when you haven't had much of a break in who knows how long and your kids seem like they have forgotten all manners and good virtues you have instilled in them. But you are blessed! In Psalm 127:3 it says, "Don't you see that children are God's best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy?"
Don't lose heart - hang in there. Today will be seared in my family's mind forever and I'm thankful it all turned out the way it did, but it was a pretty horrible morning. However, I needed the perspective that it offered. And now, I am going to sleep.