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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Come on now women, we can do better than this...

CAUTION:  This post contains many generalizations and possibly some offensive comments.  I apologize beforehand if I offend you, but please consider that maybe the offense is because it applies.  Ooh, I probably just offended you.  Sorry.

For just a few more days, praise the living God, my husband manages approximately 75 people.  Of those 75 people, 70 of them are women.  My husband hates his job.  He is grateful for his job.  He is appreciative that he has a job.  But he has hated his job.  And with all the reasons he could site as to why he is so passionately opposed to his position, they pretty much all boil down to this:

WOMEN.

He loves women, obviously.  His mom is one, his wife is one, even his daughters are.  But let's be honest - women are impossible.

So, this post is not about my husband in case you were wondering. 

This, my friends - or soon not to be friends, is what it is about:

Why do we (women) act the way we do?

Generally speaking (generalization #1) when a man has a problem with another man, they deal with it and then it's over.  They do not however, obsess over how they were wronged, call a bunch of their guy friends to gossip about the wrong doer until the wee hours of the morning and sweetly call their gossip huddle "guy night."  However, I am confident that when men say they are going to go play poker, they in fact, are playing poker.  Shocking I know, but I believe it to be true.

However us women (generalization #2) obsess over how we were wronged, call a bunch of our girl friends to gossip about the wrong doer until the wee hours of the morning and sweetly call our gossip huddle "girl night." 

Dave is astounded quite regularly how his employees will call each other best friends and then turn around and try to get each other fired.  Quite ridiculous if you ask me, but I am astounded quite regularly how catty us women can be (including me) and how quick we are to nitpick and back bite each other.

Being a mom is hard.  Being a mom is the hardest, most physically laborious and emotionally draining job I have ever had and will ever have.  Most of you reading this can say "amen" to that.  And there are some of you who have another job on top of the mommy job and you have to juggle everything.  We need support and encouragement from other women, but unfortunately I find that instead of encouragement we receive criticism and judgment.

And Christians - aargh!!!  I am a Christian, and I am speaking to myself here, but COME ON PEOPLE!!!  Not all mom's are Christians.  Not all people are Christians.  But I can guarantee you that after being criticized, condemned and judged by us in our holier than thou attitudes because we feel self-righteous and entitled to share our unauthorized opinions while we have a tree the size of Rhode Island sticking out of our own eye, that they in fact will not become Christians. 

I am pretty sure that Jesus did not act self-righteous, although He had all authority to.  I am confident that Jesus did not gather the 11 disciples to drag Judas' name through the dirt, although He had all reason to.  I am positive that Jesus did not publicly humiliate those who were not believers, instead I believe He loved them to repentance. 

I think that instead of having a husband bashing session under the guise of "Women's Bible Study" we actually studied the Bible, we would have happier marriages.

I think that instead of having a gossip session and a pity party under the guise of "girl's night out" we actually encouraged each other to success in our friendships and family, we would have deeper more meaningful relationships.

I think that instead of using Facebook as a tool to criticize and pass on our self-righteous judgment, we used it as a tool to encourage and uplift, to motivate and minister - we would have a greater impact.

As women we were given a great purpose, but I fear we stand in our own way to accomplish those things that God put before us - and that would be the biggest offense of all.

10 comments:

Martha A.

Yep....that is a good point. We had a bible study one time that was just that, very encouraging and actually studying the bible....it was amazing.
I think that women have a huge influence for the good if we would be kinder to one another.

The Pools

Why on earth were you afraid to post this! I shout AMEN to your posting because you hit the nail on the head! I have lived that catty gossiping way.. Haven't we all. But once I became a Christian I longed for the meaningful friendships I had starved myself from.

I love attending a Bible study for the fact that we as a collective group of women want to grow in the Lord and grow in our relationships together. Maybe just maybe we need to take a tip from the guys and see that life is so much simpler if we just let stuff roll off your shoulders. Example- My husband posts a lot of stuff on facebook that pertain to how much he loves our Father. The other night one of his "friends" made a rather offensive comment over how my husbands faith makes him laugh. I was angry, ranting and raving, completely offended by the remark. My husband? Cool as a cucumber. He just told me to pray about that friend. Simple easy and it made me feel so much better than it would have if I would have called everyone and their brother to vent.

I am so glad you posted this Melissa! The phrase I love and have been using throughout this season in my life is " What would Jesus do?" Think about it in everyday situations. When someone makes you upset, what would Jesus do? If you get criticized and are angry and want to vent about someone or your hubby upsets you and the first thing you do is want to tell a girlfriend how awful your husband is (not a good thing btw very disrespectful towards your husband) What Would Jesus Do! :) I love it...simple easy and powerful. Jesus is our example. Our proof that our ways of thinking acting can be overcome. Maybe as women we need to lean into God more and figure out his great purpose for us. To ask him to help us lay ourselves down and pick up His great purpose, His cross. Does that make sense :D Thank you again for this! I loved it!

Anonymous

First off, those that may take offense to this and that know you clearly don't know you well enough. As a women of many thoughts, smarts and the ability to express whats on your mind so well, I give you props for stating this post.
Me being me totally agree with the lack of pride and adultness that many women display. I also agree with Dave when he says working with women stinks, as I work with mostly women in my profession. After doing our job duties more time is spent talking about who did what wrong, who left for lunch late, or who just doesn't know their job. On the flip side they could take that time and use constructive critisim to make the people they are stabbing in the back better at their job or maybe better at life in general. Apparently it is easier to be catty, as Melissa phrased it.

3boymomma

AWESOME! Because your REALLY are that great of a woman of Faith and superb wife and mother!

Preach it Sister!
And Preach it Abby!

We must also be strong enough to call each other on this kind of behavior. Lovingly, kindly, and always as the Lord leads. One thing I consistently do that I highly recommend - if me and my beloved hubby are on the outs I ONLY speak to friends I KNOW love him as much as they love me. Only people who love your marriage more than they love you as individuals should be allowed to speak into your life when you are in pain in your marriage. This has been a tremendous blessing to both Erik and I over the years.

Don't get me wrong, I almost (not perfectly) always check in with God before I make a phone call. Do I need to go straight to YOU on this Lord or can I process it with someone in the flesh? Then, who, Lord? A name usually comes to mind. And if it doesn't, He wants me to snuggle up next to Him, cry on His shoulder and believe that He knows all of what happened and He loves us both & will help us work it out. That is usually what my girlfriend tells me too! LOVE that about our God!

Joy Tamsin David

Great post, I totally agree with you! I'm following you back!

Thanks for visiting my blog. :)

Joy

JV

Mines is a jungle all the time as well :) But yes,a joyful mom. I am a mom of four too and what a blessing!!
Thanks for the Follow..doing the same here..

JV

Christiana

i agree with you too melissa! and i am sooo glad i "work" with all guys! ;-) my sons fight, hash it out, and then are amazingly best buddies once again

JV

Mines is a jungle all the time as well :) But yes,a joyful mom. I am a mom of four too and what a blessing!!Thanks for the Follow..doing the same here..JV

Joy Tamsin David

Great post, I totally agree with you! I'm following you back!Thanks for visiting my blog. :)Joy

The Pools

Why on earth were you afraid to post this! I shout AMEN to your posting because you hit the nail on the head! I have lived that catty gossiping way.. Haven't we all. But once I became a Christian I longed for the meaningful friendships I had starved myself from. I love attending a Bible study for the fact that we as a collective group of women want to grow in the Lord and grow in our relationships together. Maybe just maybe we need to take a tip from the guys and see that life is so much simpler if we just let stuff roll off your shoulders. Example- My husband posts a lot of stuff on facebook that pertain to how much he loves our Father. The other night one of his "friends" made a rather offensive comment over how my husbands faith makes him laugh. I was angry, ranting and raving, completely offended by the remark. My husband? Cool as a cucumber. He just told me to pray about that friend. Simple easy and it made me feel so much better than it would have if I would have called everyone and their brother to vent. I am so glad you posted this Melissa! The phrase I love and have been using throughout this season in my life is " What would Jesus do?" Think about it in everyday situations. When someone makes you upset, what would Jesus do? If you get criticized and are angry and want to vent about someone or your hubby upsets you and the first thing you do is want to tell a girlfriend how awful your husband is (not a good thing btw very disrespectful towards your husband) What Would Jesus Do! :) I love it...simple easy and powerful. Jesus is our example. Our proof that our ways of thinking acting can be overcome. Maybe as women we need to lean into God more and figure out his great purpose for us. To ask him to help us lay ourselves down and pick up His great purpose, His cross. Does that make sense :D Thank you again for this! I loved it!

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