Ya, ok, I'm a neglectful mom. But I'm not taking this one all by myself. Dave is a neglectful dad too.
This is why we should NEVER have conversations at ANY length with ANY adult - it rarely fares well for my family.
We try to be friendly, be neighborly in fact - and this happens. Darn kindness.
He ate grease. Yes, Will ate grease. Not inside cooking grease - because that would only be moderately disgusting. He ate grease from the barbeque. Grease that was melted into a nice thick brown liquid. Grease that has accumulated over the course of a year.
Before you all run to your phones to call CPS, let me explain...
I was being quite motherly and paying COMPLETE attention to my girls (based on my previous post about feeling lousy that I hardly ever do that) and we were painting nails a very pretty sparkly blue. Luke was inside coloring and Will was crawling around in the grass. Dave was talking to our neighbor Gary about guy stuff and not watching Will which was his unspoken task (didn't he know I was spending girl time?) And then I heard it. Dave shouts, "No Will! Awe man..."
I turned my head to see Will standing at the grill covered from head to toe with grease. In fact, he was even drooling grease. He looked at us, smiled a great big greasy smile and waved.
We provide great entertainment for free - you should all wish you were so lucky to be our neighbors.
So thanks to BP, I knew that Dawn dish soap takes care of oil. So I ran in and grabbed our Costco sized bottle and poured it over Will. After much scrubbing, it came off - all while our neighbors stood watching and laughing at our drama.
Will wasn't phased - I bet all that steak grease tasted rather yummy...ooh my stomach churns just thinking about it.
So Dave and I were excited at that moment that we were going on a date last night. For the first time in two years I was actually going to see a grown up movie at a theater without kids. We wouldn't be getting back until ten - waaaaay later than normal - might as well call us party animals (I mean seriously, we didn't even go grocery shopping!). We left our kids in the good hands of our very capable babysitter and were excited that when we would come home our house would be cleaner than we left it and our kids would be asleep, like normal.
As we walked into our house, half comatose since we rarely are out that late, we were pleased to see the house was clean...ya our babysitter is amazing. But it was quiet. So I walked upstairs to see the girls' light still on. As I opened their door I was greeted with a putrid smell of, well, poop. Lily was laying there reading a book (mind you, this was ten and her regular bed time is seven) and as I checked to make sure it was her that was the culprit I realized she shared the love with the wall. Their room was destroyed (more than usual) and still no sight of our babysitter. Was she alive?
So I walked into the boys' room where the curtains were pulled down and she was standing there patting Will's back. Of course as soon as he saw me he started screaming again. Nice. Poor babysitter had to go from room to room for two hours.Straight.
Dave cleaned up the girls' walls while I cleaned up Lily. I stuck a bottle in Will's mouth and he was out and shortly thereafter Lily was knocked out too.
But seriously, I hope I didn't lose my Mary Poppins after last night...
And really - this is why my husband and I just have succumbed to the fact that we are just not socially desirable right now. We talk to adults our kid eats grease. We go on a date and do adult things like watch a movie and poop gets smeared all over the place.
And yes, in case you were wondering - our neighbors were outside when we got home, watching and laughing as they saw all the commotion coming from our house. I'm telling you, who needs movies when you live next to the Sharon home!
Oh, and the girls' nails turned out quite beautiful.