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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Good Cop vs. Bad Cop

Ok - so maybe I'm the only one this applies to, but here is my rant:

Why must I be the disciplinarian?  Why must I be left to be Mom Nazi when the kids are misbehaving?  Why can't I, at least 30 percent of the time get to be nice cop?  I WANT TO BE NICE COP!!!

But no, Dave is nice cop.  He cuddles with the kids after they get disciplined, gets to do the loving - while I, although aware of how important discipline is, feels like poo for doing it.  When I spank our kids (oh.my.gosh. Did she actually just say spank?  Yes, I did readers, we do in fact spank our children...so taboo I know) my hand stings and yet they still laugh.  However Dave, in the rare instances that he does discipline, taps their little behinds and they cry acting like the whole world ended as they knew it.

NOT FAIR.

Quite honestly, discipline sucks.  I do not like it Sam I Am.  Ideally, my kids would be perfect and they would never ever need any type of discipline whatsoever.  But we aren't in "ideally" we are in "reality."  Shucks.

Super Nanny suggests the "Naughty Step."  Such a cute little idea.  I have tried it.  I have tried it with consistency - and it's laughable.  Naughty Step time is just an invitation for the kid who is sitting there to shamelessly entertain their siblings and not feel a smidgen of remorse regarding their offense.  So I send them to their room for quiet time.  That works, yes that works.  However, I have to stand at the door putting them back in over and over again until the predetermined time is over...which typically lasts for thirty minutes before they just succumb to the two or four minutes of hard time they were originally sentenced with.

But here's the thing with that: I have three other little kids just waiting for the opportunity to do anything they aren't supposed to do when I leave a room.  My kids are great kids - but they are kids and kids will, well, be kids...inevitably.  So, what do I do?  Should I just give them all time outs at the same time in their rooms for offenses past and future?  I don't know.  Super Nanny, I love your show...but you get to leave after two days.  How is the naughty step working for the families six months after you bid them farewell?

Dave and I took a parenting class when the twins were two.  The class talked about first time obedience.  Basically, the gist was if the kids didn't listen the first time they were disciplined.  At the time, my twins although rambunctious, were still babies and I was still in la la land imagining that when they were four they would be perfect human beings who obeyed flawlessly.  Ha. 

So now they are four, and shocking I'm sure, they are not flawlessly obedient.  So, I'm at a loss for consistent effective discipline - and though I don't think spanking is bad, with my kids it doesn't seem to be effective.  I need effective, God focused discipline...oh, and I need Dave to do some of it.

4 comments:

Martha A.

Check out this site.....
http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/
they have a forum too you can join, but you have to have a recommendation from a member...and you can say I recommended you if you want to join. Lots of wisdom there!
http://www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com/ubbthreads/ubbthreads.php?ubb=cfrm

Anonymous

This reminded me of a time when a friend was having the same issue with her husband being the "good cop". My husband and I were at their house when the little girl got in trouble by the father and after being disciplined the mother says "come here" and gives her a hug and kiss and rocks her as her husband is staring at her like she has two heads. Then the mom looks up and says "this is how it feels when you do this to me". He got the hint quickly and stepped up to the plate after that....

Stephanie

We actually use the "naughty step" we call it the uh-oh chair and have for several years. It works. We use it in combination with 1-2-3 Magic...I've read the Godly Tomatoes book and it has some good stuff too. 1-2-3 Magic though is the one thing that we can both stick to. I'm the Sheriff in our house too...such is life I guess.

Stephanie

We actually use the "naughty step" we call it the uh-oh chair and have for several years. It works. We use it in combination with 1-2-3 Magic...I've read the Godly Tomatoes book and it has some good stuff too. 1-2-3 Magic though is the one thing that we can both stick to. I'm the Sheriff in our house too...such is life I guess.

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